Saturday, June 23, 2018

Lord of the Rings

DRESDEN: Firefighters in Dresden, Germany are being trained in a sensitive area - how to cut off stuck penis rings.

The programme was launched as more and more emergency calls in the country have involved men following their sexual misadventures.

Ja, wir sind bereit (yes, we're ready) 

The Daily Mail of England reported that the "Maschinenunfaelle" or "Mechanical Failures" seminar was attended by 600 firemen.

But how do you cut off a relatively small penis ring with an industrial metal grinder without injuring the sensitive organ?

In the seminar, an emergency situation was simulated by placing a sex toy on top of a fireman.

Participants watched as a heat-shield blanket and bandages were delicately placed around the artificial penis.

This was followed by the insertion of a spatula between the shielded "penis" and the ring.

For further protection, a special heat-resistant paste is applied, before the ring is finally cut off with a heavy-duty metal grinder.

The blanket, bandaging, paste and spatula provide quadruple protection for the precious male organ from flying sparks and burns

Speaking at the seminar, instructor Eric Forberg said that accidents with penis rings are at the, ahem, tip of the challenges they face.

Rescuers have been called to other painful and baffling sex injuries, such as a man who got an apple stuck up his anus, while rescuers had to spend three hours helping a weightlifter in the German city of Worms remove his penis from the central hole of a five-pound iron weight.

The weight had to be shattered using a grinder and then cut up with a vibrating saw.

Malaysian firemen have also had more than their fair share of male organs in distress.

In 2017, it was reported that 80 percent of distress calls involving rings made to the Kuala Lumpur City Fire and Rescue Department (bomba) over the last three years, were to remove rings stuck in the private parts of men.

The last reported case in Malaysia happened in June 2017, when bomba helped an 80-year-old man in Sungai Siput free his penis after it got stuck in a plastic chair.

kaytee note: hope looes74 might find last paragraph of this article useful, wakakaka


  1. I know why kaytee sudden interest in this. So it's true la that kaytee only has 3" dick. When jibby lost big, kaytee dick can stand

    So how? Put a several rings lor on kaytee dick

  2. i tot loose got tongue only?

    1. with several rings on it to pleasure his MISTRESS

    2. Kaytee must be talking about himself while everybody is discussing when najib will end up in sungai buloh prison. That includes hy

  3. Thanks for spicing up Saturday reading KayTee!

    Saturday usually is a slow and rather boring day for news, either on mainstream or alternative media.

    BTW. That pink plastic penis is worn by a woman, based upon the shape of her hips.

    A few tidbits of news on Saturday though.

    "Gerakan unanimously decides to leave Barisan Nasional"


    Having won no seats in GE14, Gerakan was rather irrelevant in BN anyway, just like PPP so their departure is no major loss for BN, since BN is mostly UMNO now, especially in Peninsular Malaysia, though the question remains as tow hat except what Gerakan will do, now that it has left - join Pakatan?

    Also, Human Resources Minister Kulasegaran has ruled:-

    "All restaurants serving Malaysian food must have local cooks from Jan 1"


    So I guess my Thai friend who works as a cook for an upmarkt Thai restaurant chain in Kuala Lumpur will have to go and they will have to find a Malaysian able to cook Thai food to replace him.

    Restaurant and coffee shop owners are not happy.

    "Eatery owners shocked over local cooks only policy"


    Hopefully Malaysian restaurant staff will abide by all the relevant standards of world class hygienic best practices and the cheapskate Malaysian employers will invest in the required facilities to enable them to fulfil these global best practices.


    However, the problem is that many Malaysian customers will object to the higher price of that cup of teh tarik which they nursed throughout the World Cup match they were watching and this will be a politically for the Pakatan government, come GE15 or before that they may join a street protest or demonstration organised by an UMNO which has re-invigorated itself and/or PAS.

    1. A fucking unnecessary distraction. Requiring constant stabbing on kaytee.

      He feels no fucking shame

  4. And now Kula says it's only a proposal.

    "Foreign cooks ban at proposal stage only, says minister"

  5. Beyoncé advised:

    “Single ladies, if you like it put a ring on it.”

    Oh, I thought she meant THERE....

    1. Kaytee may have several rings on hia kukuciao