Lord of the Rings

Star Online - German firefighters get trained to help men with stuck penis rings:

DRESDEN: Firefighters in Dresden, Germany are being trained in a sensitive area - how to cut off stuck penis rings.

The programme was launched as more and more emergency calls in the country have involved men following their sexual misadventures.

Ja, wir sind bereit (yes, we're ready) 

The Daily Mail of England reported that the "Maschinenunfaelle" or "Mechanical Failures" seminar was attended by 600 firemen.

But how do you cut off a relatively small penis ring with an industrial metal grinder without injuring the sensitive organ?

In the seminar, an emergency situation was simulated by placing a sex toy on top of a fireman.

Participants watched as a heat-shield blanket and bandages were delicately placed around the artificial penis.

This was followed by the insertion of a spatula between the shielded "penis" and the ring.

For further protection, a special heat-resistant paste is applied, before the ring is finally cut off with a heavy-duty metal grinder.

The blanket, bandaging, paste and spatula provide quadruple protection for the precious male organ from flying sparks and burns

Speaking at the seminar, instructor Eric Forberg said that accidents with penis rings are at the, ahem, tip of the challenges they face.

Rescuers have been called to other painful and baffling sex injuries, such as a man who got an apple stuck up his anus, while rescuers had to spend three hours helping a weightlifter in the German city of Worms remove his penis from the central hole of a five-pound iron weight.

The weight had to be shattered using a grinder and then cut up with a vibrating saw.

Malaysian firemen have also had more than their fair share of male organs in distress.

In 2017, it was reported that 80 percent of distress calls involving rings made to the Kuala Lumpur City Fire and Rescue Department (bomba) over the last three years, were to remove rings stuck in the private parts of men.

The last reported case in Malaysia happened in June 2017, when bomba helped an 80-year-old man in Sungai Siput free his penis after it got stuck in a plastic chair.

kaytee note: hope looes74 might find last paragraph of this article useful, wakakaka