Friday, August 26, 2011
OK, let me turn on the aquarium light then.
Wow, Sayang, I didn’t know you have switched from guppies to tadpoles. Hmmm, very small tadpoles too.
Oh, I haven’t seen translucent tadpoles before. Are they expensive?
Nowadays, everyday, you get a load of them for free, whether you like it or not.
They look very active.
In ‘pristine’ condition, but they won’t look pretty in a couple more days.
Oh Sayang, look, that one is dark brown instead of translucent.
Er? Shouldn’t be. I thought his … er … canal was clean? Shit!
Don’t swear Sayang. What canal? Whose canal? Did you scoop them from the canal?
3 days later …
Oh Sayang you said they won’t look pretty after a couple of days, but they still look very active.
So no degradation. Impossible .. but then ....
Maybe they were fed minyak Tongkat Ali. Yeah, I would say that's possible in this country.
I don’t understand, Sayang.
Can you believe that bloke fucked himself!
Hmmm, the Tiuniaseng Tadpole Tattler [smile], or the F* Fairy Froggie hehehe.
Sayang, your language, thank goodness the kids are asleep. Anyway, who are you referring to? What do you mean he … er, never mind … himself?
His own … er … tadpoles were in his own canal.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The above article by The Malaysian Insider tells us that Koh TK, former CM of Penang and current party president of the once-mighty but now-castrated Gerakan, lambasted Utusan for sneering at Gerakan and demanding that UMNO takes over the CM seat if BN wins the next State election.
Utusan has not been wrong insofar as the BN side of the story goes. Indeed both Gerakan and MCA have become extinct political species in Penang since March 2008, though lately, like most chooks about to be once-and-for-all-times decapitated, have been making noisy squawks.
Most voters know Penang's current political status quo won’t change much after the next state election. Thus Utusan has been correct in demanding the CM position for UMNO, should the BN (meaning UMNO and a slim likelihood of MIC but definitely minus Gerakan and MCA) emerges as the party with the majority of ADUNs.
Perhaps UMNO has already targeted some frogs to enhance such an eventuality.
Perhaps UMNO is, as some say, preparing to get into bed with the DAP to form a new ruling coalition in Penang, by removing the embarrassing (and jealous) Gerakan and DAP.
Perhaps UMNO is fantasizing.
One – DAP must never trust UMNO. Just look at poor Gerakan.
Once a mighty party, then touted (after the 1969 GE) as the ‘next’ ruling federal party, Gerakan made the mistake of joining BN (effectively UMNO).
While the circumstance (political, social and most important of all, economic) at that time convinced Dr Lim Chong Eu to join BN or see Penang wither like a dried-up rambutan on the limb that a hostile BN government would likely have left it ... fair enough, the party unfortunately failed to assert its 1969-acquired political dominance in Penang, surrendering meekly to UMNO as the latter deviously and gradually sliced off its constituencies as allocations for a then-extinct MCA.
Side-note: Yes, MCA became an extinct species in Penang twice, in 1969 and 2008, but was resurrected in Penang, principally to weaken Gerakan.
The outcome of UMNO’s manipulation post 1972 was a divided Chinese political base in Penang, when a Gerakan minus MCA or even a combined Gerakan-MCA numbers would have overwhelmed UMNO in numbers, but as individual and mutually antagonistic parties (and UMNO ensured that by its British-taught ‘divide & rule’ strategy), Gerakan and MCA made UMNO by default the biggest component in the Penang BN.
All I can say to Koh TK is ‘padan muka’ though Lim KY and even Dr Lim Chong Eu must share the blame for Gerakan's castration by UMNO a la the death of a thousand cuts.
Mind, many Penangites (including people like my family) should also be criticized for supporting a loser in Gerakan. For years, under Koh TK, the UMNO DCM was the de facto CM, so the Utusan comment merely brought matters into clearer perspective. The only reason UMNO dared not insist on the CM's position outright was its fear of driving Gerakan and MCA into each others' arms, a situation UMNO didn't and still doesn't want - remember: 'divide & rule'.
The mitigating factor in the Penangites' favour is that they woke up on 08 March 2008 as they did on 10 May 1969.
Two – having said that, not trusting or getting into bed with UMNO doesn’t mean that DAP can’t work with the UMNO on a practical basis, either at state or federal level, though this cooperation is unlikely with a weak UMNO President-PM. But whatever, whichever, whenever, however, the DAP must never ever allow UMNO to persuade it to join BN.
But, I’m not sure what or how we can advise Koh TK to do. And should we, considering he went into Parliament via the back door which he swore he wouldn’t do prior to the 2008 GE? I used to call him disparagingly as 'Raja B....', but after he handed over the reins of Penang to Lim GE in a gentlemanly manner, I promised not to call him that again.
Last Emperor Puyi (or KTK?)
But as 'Raja', he’s like one of those medieval Chinese emperors at the end of his dynastic line, as The Last Emperor, not unlike Puyi, the last Chinese Emperor, who was a puppet under the Japanese, just as Koh as Penang CM had been one under UMNO.
As a Penangite I shed a tear or two for the once-mighty Gerakan which somewhere between 1969 and 2008 lost its soul, forgetting its 'satu hati' promise to the rakyat.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
I see Muhyiddin still at his fave pastime, disrespectfully undermining Najib. Imagine for an instant that he eventually succeeds, and say BN wins GE-13 (with help of EC etc), maybe narrowly but still ruling as government. Then we’ll have:
PM – Muyiddin Yassin (freaky f* frightening thought)
DPM – wakakaka – many believe there’s a quid pro quo, done deal, with Dr M to promote his son Mukhriz from deputy minister to DPM for Dr M’s considerable ‘support’.
But is this likely?
Mukhriz is a nice kid but really, kaytee assesses he doesn’t have his dad’s standing to lead UMNO (f* the rest of BN).
Secondly, I doubt UMNO will accept a deputy minister being catapulted into the nation’s No 2 political position, even if the man is the son of the very influential Dr M. Bloke couldn’t even get the Youth Boss position, what more the DPM’s post. C’mon, be realistic.
Thirdly, blokes like Ali Rustam, Zahid, Hishamuddin are hardly likely to sit still just twiddling their thumbs or wanking off in silent frustration and, Dr M or no Dr M, allow this to happen. It’ll be every man ‘avaricious’ jack for himself. I dread to think of the internal bloodbath which unfortunately will have the inevitable 'collateral damage' as each jaguh demonstrates his ultra-ethnic credentials to claim leadership.
If Mukhriz’s elevation is conditional for Dr M’s support for Muhyiddin, I doubt the Old Man would accept a Muhyiddin's ‘promise’ that Mukhriz will be DPM in 5 years time, because Dr M isn’t exactly a spring chicken.
Sure, Muhyiddin is undermining Najib, and sure, Dr M is supporting Muhyiddin … but what’s the quid pro quo, because there’s no free meal.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Sarawakians would strongly disagree, and probably Sabahans too. And I have no doubt that Kelantanese would scoff disdainfully at that pretentious claim.
As a Penangite, I know my fellow state-citizens would be like me, just smiling at that silly boast, some perhaps more sneeringly while most condescendingly so wakakaka.
Another Malaysian state better than Penang? C'mon lah, what sheer gall, what nonsense, what unrealistic hopefulness.
Be that as it may, what has made me raised this subject about Selangor being the prized Malaysian province?
Najib has previously voiced his insistence that BN (or more truthfully, UMNO) wants Selangor back under its rule. And it seems that some supporters are certainly going about fulfilling his desires with more zeal than an army of ants scrambling to partake of a particularly sceptic glob of spit.
Daily we read of discoveries of dodgy electoral rolls, the unaccountable & suddenly mute NRD in the issue of blue-card IC to aliens, the process taking only a matter of 4 hours, pandai-buat-ta tahu (act dunno) EC who recited pathetic explanations like episodes from a Scheherazade-wannabe "One Thousand & One Lies", multiple registrations on one name and various other nefarious activities and occurrences to ensure the defeat in the State of the more popular Pakatan Rakyat.
The more junior of the conspiring conniving collaborationist public servants probably aren't even aware of their traitorous treason in turning aliens into citizens by the recently-revealed questionable process (just to increase the voters base for a political party).
All the above, in conjunction with our world renowned Judiciary and our equally world renowned Police, have led me to believe very strongly that UMNO is likely to reclaim Selangor in the next state election (not in GE-13 because Pakatan has said it will not hop to the UMNO tune of an early/snap general election).
My belief is of course not based on any perceived swing in voters' support for UMNO (au contraire), but rather on the very shameless and arrogant dodgy-ness of our
Sunday, August 07, 2011
He must have realized his PAS party's investigation will require such inconvenient items like (surprise surprise) evidence and (gosh) burden of proof. Alamak, old fashioned Middle-East type unsubstantiated free-range accusations won't hold water in these modern days. Has he then been attempting to come out as a Muslim jaguh, to blindside his lack of evidence?
And Bishop Paul Tan is absolutely spot on when he told Dr Hasan Ali 'Dei kawan, not so fast', and to hold on and not preempt the PAS party investigation by making a childish defiant stand.
In other words, Dr Hasan, don’t think you can just run away from accounting for your accusation with your theatrics. Not so fast jaguh!
First, the deodorant.
Oi, you have sweaty armpits. Spare a thought for men, especially those poor Pa Chik’s who are fasting. Do you have to offend them with your BO when you expose your armpits?
Use Bersih, the new refreshing deororant.
It normally comes in three fragrances: jasmine, cempaka and pandan!
And for this special month, we offer a new scent, kemenyen. Yes, kemenyen to particularly educate insensitive sleazy inter-lork*
* ‘lork is a Penang Hokkien word for sluts, especially those who were sold into prostitution by their mums
Brought to you by a Dodgy Dimsum Bersih-ing Production.
Now, the analgesic.
Being proactive is the key – use Auntie Dipootee pills to avoid that painful depressing ‘mornings after’.
Auntie Dipootee neutralises the Dipootee virus and prevents not only pain but regrets over the Dipootee treacherous attacks.
So don’t wait until you have to react – it’ll be too late by then.
Listen to what the experts have to say:
“After being exposed to adverse elements in 1969, I should have been more careful and taken Auntie Dipootee pills to prevent a Dipootee viral attack. I awoke on morning of 22 September the following year to realize the extent of the attack from which I never ever did recover. Not only did my head suffer but my heart was broken.”
- Abdul Rahman (Penang)
“I suppose one of the principal symptoms warning me of a pending Dipootee viral attack was my constant drowsiness. But confident of my good medical report of 2004, I ignored those symptoms, now every much to my regret. The Dipootee virus made me hallucinate as well, where on one occasion I saw a bridge as crooked. Finally on 02 April 2009, I acknowledged the infliction was far too serious for me to continue with my job.”
- Dollah bin Ai Knoon (Penang)
“Hehehe. I used Auntie Dipootee regularly, and avoided been affected by that virus, not just once but on several occasions hehehe. No constipation too hehehe.”
- Mah Har Der (address not provided)
“I want to use Auntie Dipootee, very urgently lor.”
- Na Jee Ip a.k.a Ip-man (Pahang)
Brought to you by a Dodgy Dimsum Bersih-ing Production, the people who brought you Big Mamak, Big Mama and soon Big MooMoo.
Saturday, August 06, 2011
X: Hello hello?
Y: Yes, who’s that on my private line?
X: Oh my dear PM, it’s just me Bernie.
Y: Your Holiness! How nice of you to call me.
X: Just call me Bernie, frankly my friend, that ‘Your Holiness’ business is getting a bit on me. It reminds me of another ‘Holiness’, you know, that one in yello ... ooops I mean ... saffron robes.
Y: Hahaha, that incredibly idolised insurgent whom the Chinese government loves to hate or hates to love.
X: Yes yes hehehe, very clever play of words hahaha.
Y: [loud glum sigh] Bernie, I’m afraid I am not that well appreciated at home.
X: Don’t despair my dear friend, as they say, a prophet is never well received at home. Look at Prophet Mohamed peace be upon his name and his flight from his hometown of Mecca.
Y: Yes, you right, also look at Nabi Isa peace be upon his name and his persecution at the hands of his own people in Jerusalem.
X [slightly taut voice]: May I correct you my dear friend, Jesus was not a mere prophet but the son of God.
Y: Well, at least, not the son of Allah swt.
X: Hahaha, very droll very droll. Anyway, I rang because of some recent controversy at a church organized dinner. Should my fellow Catholics there be concerned?
Y: Not at this stage Bernie, it’s the other church which had been involved, hahaha. But if the Chinese authority thinks your Buddhist counterpart is a traitorous insurgent, they should see what I have here in my own party.
X: Be brave my friend, for was not Jesus himself betrayed for 30 pieces of silver?
Y: My versions of Judas demand more than 30 pieces, more like 30 billion. That illegal and arrogant raid has been one in a series of sabotaging acts to embarrass me and undermine my leadership. I expect more to come.
X: Oh dear, will our recent breaking bread together at my enclave in the Eternal City be used against you?
Y: That possibility, nay, make that ‘probability’ instead, certainly exists. By the by, is there any villa located in a secluded suburb in your area available for long term lease?
X: My dear friend, is the Pope a Catholic?
Y: Hahaha, thank you thank you, you’re a cool dude ... er ... I mean ... dad ... er father ... er ... papa, you know what I mean.
X: Bless you my friend, in nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti, go in peace.
Y [thinks]: Go in peace? That’s what that bloody teacherous Moodeen Judas wants.