Sunday, March 05, 2006

Orang Minyak

It seems many many years ago, a bloke smeared his body with oil when he went on a sexual rampage, ravishing village ladies. In the event that anyone attempted to nab him, he would prove to be as slippery as an eel, avoiding physical restraining and thus capture. But the Orang Minyak (Oily Man) terror was in typical Malaysian fashion, endowed with elements of the supernatural.

It’s not that I completely disbelieve in the supernatural – If fact I do, but just to a certain extent. Afterall, ‘supernatural’ means stuff that to our perception or limited knowledge are beyond or more than ‘normal’, or beyond explanations by normal means. I prefer to deal first with the obvious, like perhaps lack of knowledge, before I consign an unexplainable problem to anything else. For example, I still lack intimate knowledge of the ways of the gentler sex but I would hardly term their unexplainable characteristics ‘supernatural’.

Exasperating, puzzling perhaps, or even frightening, but certainly not supernatural.

Based on the escapes of the 1950's rapist, there was the P. Ramlee’s film called Sumpah Orang Minyak, which turned out to be very popular. So moviemakers decided to resurrect (excuse the pun) that story with a modern outlook and of course today’s popular stars, like Lisdawati. The film will be titled Misteri Orang Minyak, with the movie storyline focussing on the origins of the oily man.

Lisdawati will play the heroine, Dian, an archaeology lecturer. In films, we can even get very young sexy looking bosomy nuclear experts, like Denise Richards in the James Bond movie
The World is Not Enough, so there’s nothing unusual about a young and sexy archaeology lecturer.

Unfortunately for our heroine, the Orang Minyak has targeted her as the 8th victim. Fahrin Ahmad plays ASP Norman who will save her from the lecherous rapist, thus preserving her virginity (for himself?). In the story, there’s the usual tension between the two who are attracted to each other but still trying to assert their will, a kind of emotional foreplay, as they move towards the final encounter with the lubricous one, and of course their happy ending.

Well, I find the storyline typical and boring, so I have decided to rewrite it somewhat. Here goes:

Scene 112th

Dian: "What do you mean there are 2 types of Orang Minyak?"

Norman pauses, turns to present his best angle to camera while projecting a smoky sexy thoughtful look, but in reality ogling Dian’s long voluptuous legs, made perfect by her constant standing and walking about during archaeological lectures.

"Well, there’s the ordinary criminal who smears his body with oil, and if he’s patriotic, he’d use palm oil."

"Nothing to be patriotic about. The price of motor grease has gone up last week, so he's left with the vegetable oils, and palm oil is the cheapest of the lot!"

Norman nodded absent mindedly to agree, while looking up to the ceiling to indicate he’s gathering his thoughts, which in reality had been on Dian’s long succulent legs, then trying not to be too obvious, move closer to Dian, who's sitting on the sofa, so that he could casually look down her considerable dĂ©colletage, which of course forms a normal part of the everyday casual dress for young beautiful Malaysian archaeology lecturer.

"Then there’s the man who indulges in the occult. He summons the supernatural evil forces with which he has an unholy pact."

"Like the Toyol in Kuantan? I read the Kuantan authorities weren’t too impressed by hordes of NescafĂ© bottle hunters, rushing there in a hope to retrieve the Toyol, to help them in their 4-D. Those hunters-punters are really something, aren't they?"

Norman remains silent for a while as his thoughts fleetingly switched from bosoms to bosomy pals – 3 of those hunters-punters are in fact his close friends. He wonders whether he ought to arrest them just to give them a fright for fooling around with illegal 4-D? But he realizes his priority and shifted from 4-D thoughts back to 3-D views. Delectable!

And at that precise moment, Dian leans forward to fiddle with her shoe straps - he nearly suffers a cardiac arrest. He thinks, as he attempts to stabilize his heart rates, that he will pick up his morning jogs again rather than attend the human rights lectures - his heart rate had shot up to values allowing an escape from earth's gravitational pull into orbit.

"Maybe. He evokes the evil forces to mesmerise everyone so that he could slip completely unnoticed into the prey-victim’s house, then hypnotise her into willing submission to his evil advances, has his ways with her in every manner, and then leaves without anyone noticing him."

Norman finds that he has aroused himself thinking of what the Orang Minyak would do to his victims and comparing that to what he has been secretly wishing he could-would do to Dian.

Dian: "Is it true that his … eh … you know ... eh ... that thingy … eh … the member … eh ..." (blushes!)

Norman has been so captured by his own Orang Minyak thoughts that he wasn't really paying attention to Dian, but suddenly on hearing a keyword, becomes alarmed:
"Member? His member for parliament? Has anyone important made any complaints of police brutality? We don’t even know who he is, let along arrest or bas .. h … eh … I mean interview him! We now have new standing instructions from the IGP."

Dian thinks Norman looks rather cute when he is flustered, decided to fluster him more.

"No, I mean his sex organ, you know, his penis … some people says it gets unbelievably big. Very BIG! Wouldn't that injure or even kill his victims?" She allowed her wet tongue to dart hotly from her sweet lips. Then to ensure Norman doesn't miss her excitement, starts to lick her pink lips until they glister.

To be continued …

[photo credits - Star Online]

1 comment:

  1. Hold your horses there young man..please remember that you have 'older' readers like me reading such stuff...

    Wanna be the local version of Jackie Collins' eh?

    I get excited easily reading such please go easy on us your readers, will ya! :P