Monday, March 27, 2006

Encounter of the Furred Kind!

Kong Nam Choy is a construction worker who loves jungle trekking because he enjoys communing with nature and its cool and peaceful environment. Given his harmonious relationship with nature, I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a Taoist, completely at one with the universe (nature).

So one fine day he set off into the woods near Gunung Panti, Johore, when somewhere in a secluded area he was suddenly alerted by a rustling sound at the hill slope in front of him.

He exclaimed: "Fearing that it was an elephant I quickly hid behind a rock. It was then that I saw the Bigfoot which was more than three metres tall emerging from the jungle. It walked with a slight crouch like an old man”.

Maybe an old Bigfoot?

"I was shaking all over with fear thinking that the creature might come towards me. However, to my relief, it stopped about 30 metres away and sat down on a log."

One would have imagined a creature like the Bigfoot to sit on the ground, but what do we know? Kong then described the creature as covered with black hair, with huge arms as thick as a man’s thigh, bushy eyebrows (why should we think otherwise), and (of course) long incisors jutting out slightly at the corner of its mouth. It wouldn’t do to have a creature like Bigfoot without ferocious looking fangs!

King continued: "Although I was scared, I managed to take out my camera and emerged from behind the rock”.

Brave man. It just so happened that while he was jungle trekking to enjoy its cool and peaceful environment he carried a camera. But hey, that’s great, now we get to see Bigfoot – a NST’s exclusive.

"But before I could take a picture, my handphone rang. I panicked, fearing that the creature would come after me. But it just got up, glanced at me and hurried back into the jungle."

Of course it's just unfortunate he didn’t snap a photo or two, even of a retreating Bigfoot, to offer as evidence of the creature’s existence.

This sounds like one of those Hollywood movies, where at a critical moment, the phone would ring, or the stolen file completely downloaded, or the searched room neatly cleaned up - always in the nick of time.

In Kong’s case, it fortuitiously avoided the unnecessary (and in fact, unwanted) proof of a Bigfoot, making its mystery even more enticing. Interested movie makers should look into such a scene for their screenplay of ‘Encounter of the Furred Kind.’

My proposed script which doesn't involved Kong Nam Choy at all ;-) follows. It's just an extract – full version available on successful negotiation:


Bigfoot: Well, answer the phone and stop the ringing – it’s bloody annoying.

Trekker (in shock to hear the creature talked): Gulp … yessir Mr Bigfoot sir.

At that moment the mobile phone went silent. Trekker looked at it in amazement as if there was a big slimy leech doing cartwheels on its screen.

Bigfoot: That’s the problem with cheap batteries.

Trekker (looked up in surprise): But sir, everything’s so expensive lately. I'm forced to get an el cheapo one.

Big foot: Oil price fallout?

Trekker (eyes bulging): Yes! How did you know?

Bigfoot (snarling or more probably, smiling, but unfortunately we wouldn't know): Hey, I’m a Malaysian too, you know! I was hoping against hope that the price hike would stop those 4WDs from barging by the dozens into the forest reserves. Kacau saja!*

* just plain (annoying) disturbance

Trekker: The new fuel price hardly makes a dent on the better-off crowd, the ones who drive the 4WDs. It’s the poorer people who feel the pinch.

Bigfoot (snarl/smile): And which one are you?

Trekker: Eh … the poorer group, sir.

Bigfoot (mischievous snarl/smile): And which group do I belong to?

Trekker (afraid to upset the creature by nominating the wrong group): Gulp … eh … eh ... would you like a banana, sir?

Bigfoot (even more pronounced mischievous snarl/smile): I am not exactly a complete herbivore, if you know what I mean.

Trekker (feeling warmth down his thighs): Gulp ... sir ... if you're a Malaysian, I thought I'd let you know I'm not a Muslim, eh ... not halal*, sir!

* kosher

Bigfoot: No worries, I didn't say I'm a Malay, but a Malaysian.

At this stage Trekker fainted. Bigfoot thought to himself: ~Hmmm, maybe I'll offer my expertise to the Royal Malaysian Police. One doesn't need chemical-laced water to pacify blokes~

He tenderly places a pile of leaves beneath Trekker's head to cushion it, and slips quietly into the jungle, leaving the still unconscious man on the track.


  1. Ktemoc,
    The script (so far) is really good, the movie MUST be made. You can play the role of the trekker (your 'gulps' are really convincing) and ali allah ditta gets the starring role!!


  2. ... Gulp ... wet my only trekking trousers?