The typical idyllic scene in an older part of Suburbia – a kedai kopi (coffee shop or in reality, just a stall) beneath a Malaysian ‘buah cherry’ tree. The customers sit al fresco enjoying their coffee or tea, some nasi lemak, roti canai or kueh, and their favourite hobby, casual conversation.
Ahmad: I heard on the buah petai vine that Hishamuddin is looking for his boy.
Muthu: Buah petai vine? Dei kawan, it’s a tree lah!
Ahmad: Dei Muthu, ini idiomatic lah, borrowed from the ‘grapevine’.
Leong: ‘Mat, You mean the keris waving Chinaman?
Ahmad: That’s the one!
Muthu: Why? What for? Rotation punya cerita again?
Ahmad: Nah, that tok ampu did such a good job of exorcising the keris stigma from Hishamuddin that the latter believes the exorcist can do the same thing for his big mouth.
Muthu: Big mouth?
Leong: The embezzlement issue with maintenance money for Chinese schools. In each case 90% of the maintenance funds went for, what the Australians called, a ‘walkabout’.
Ahmad: Spot on, Hishamuddin wants his boy to extricate him from the embarrassment of forcing an apology from Ong’s boss, when in fact Big Mouth should be the one offering the apology. Poor Ong even had an official reprimand for exposing corruption.
Leong: The annoying thing was that Towkay No 2 knew what was going on, so he Teflon-ised his backside by tap dancing niftily around the issue, saying the reprimand was on form and not substance. You know, the ‘form’ of procedures and process but not the substance of facts.
Muthu: Yah man, sudah tahu masih buat ta’tahu.
Ahmad: Itu dia, Malaysia Boleh. Yang mana ta’boleh pun dapat di perbolehkan. Ini lah cutting edge technoloji Malaysia. Black into white, rempit into cemerlang, navy fuel into sugar, highway interchange into thin air, money meant for tsunami victims into banners and badges to welcome VVIPs, etc.
Leong: I heard now many people in Penang are looking for the famed exorcist.
Ahmad: Aiyah Leong, he has already served ‘above and beyond’ - what more do they want lah, apart from Hishamuddin’s personal requirements.
Leong: Above and beyond?
Muthu: He was among the first to ketuk our Big Head neighbour for the Chinese marginalisation issue. Towkay No 2 gave him a pat on the head for that.
Muthu: Wah, the exorcist is really mampu lah – he can deal with Big Mouths and Big Heads.
Ahmad (smiles): Don’t forget Big Balls too!
Leong (grins): Well, Penangites now want to talk to him about Big Bums – regarding their bums on taxi and bus problems.
Muthu: I bet you he’ll avoid those Big Bums and then come up with a solution.
Leong: What solution?
Muthu (smiles): Big Feet - the old Majulah Sukan Untuk Negara formula. Soon we'll probably hear his pontification on his proposed health policy of ‘walking is bloody healthy’, so why need so many taxis or buses.
Ahmad: Or use bicycles – he could point out that there’s potential Olympic Games or Tour de France cyclists to be picked from the sporting activity.
Leong: Like that means he’ll be promoted from Tan Sri to Tun, man. Big Mouths, Big Heads, Big Balls (smiles), Big Bums, Big Feet, then Big Promotion. Aiyoyo.
Ahmad & Muthu (together): Malaysia Boleh, Penang Bodek, Penangites Bodoh.
The Cherry Tree Chronicles:
(1) Beneath the buah cherry tree
(2) Beneath the buah cherry tree (2)
(3) Beneath the buah cherry tree (3)
(4) Beneath the buah cherry tree (4)
(5) Beneath the buah cherry tree (5)
Other related postings:
(1) Najib's facts, principles, goose & gander
(2) Corruption 'Fact' for DPM Najib & Hishamuddin
(3) Int Sec Ministry gagged Chinese press on alleged embezzlements
(4) The Brilliance of Hishamuddin Tun Hussein
(5) Penangites want to trade off Koh Tsu Koon!
This one is for my Penang kaki-nang, ali ditta allah, who spoke quite convincingly and logically in defence of the taxi drivers' case