The fabulous after-dinner comedian who treats truth like a super-stretchable concertina

Truth to Dr M is like a concertina – stretchable

Steve Oh

COMMENT | When all is said, Dr Mahathir Mohamad owes the Chinese an apology for his absurd and defamatory 'chopsticks' gibberish.

Several concerned Malaysians have reacted. Professor Tajuddin Rasdi is spot on. Mahathir is indulging in his ploy of race-baiting, he reckons in his Sin Chew Daily online column. And the Chinese are not taking the bait. That's why you don't see them run amok in the streets.

Malaysiakini columnist Mariam Mokhtar in shooting down the 'Malaysian maverick' has hit the nail on the head: Will Mahathir start treating the Chinese the same as the Malays if they eat with their fingers? Unlikely.

Mahathir, more than anyone, is the reason Malaysia is the sick old man of Asia. And it’s not his age. If anyone follows his logic, they will end up in Tanjung Rambutan. It isn't a sick joke either. The man is a hive of self-contradictions and many of his comments are untrue. For example, other countries don't force their migrants to assimilate. They adopt a multicultural policy instead.

The truth to him is like a concertina - stretchable. Many will treat his memoirs like the Omicron virus.

Follow his logic and scratch your head: Malays are lazy, they must learn from the Chinese. But they mustn't use chopsticks? He promised Malaysians a 'clean, efficient and trustworthy' government; he gave them Najib Abdul Razak. He said Anwar Ibrahim punched himself in jail; his top cop was convicted for assaulting Anwar. And so, the never-ending and never stacking up stories go on and on and on like the old man himself.

In a nutshell, Mahathir is doing what he does best - creating controversy, a political haze and deflecting any attention away from his own serious wrongdoings, faults and his toxic 'ketuanan' legacy.

Stoking the Malays with Chinese bogeyman fires have worked for him in the past. He is nit-picking and scaremongering and 'sataying' the Chinese again. But Mahathir, who likes cooking up Chinese stories, has only burned himself this time. No one takes him seriously nowadays. Many Malays see him as the dilemma in ‘The Malay Dilemma’, a book of astounding self-fulfilling prophecy.

Tajuddin Rasdi is right. It is more important for the Malays to counter Mahathir. They can expose him for what he is - there are many choice ready-made descriptions they can pick from comments in social media. The Malay ones I have seen have a more spicy flavour. They are truly Malaysian.

The Chinese who saved his political hide two decades ago have since shunned him, writing him off as an ingrate.

While it was not pertinent to his recent court appeal, former premier Najib has opened a can of worms. Sober, he should start talking to the MACC and anti-corruption watchdog and spill the beans on what he knows about the colossal forex and other scandalous losses under Mahathir's watch.

He believes in his own spin

There is no wrong and right way to eat your food. A few disabled people do it with their feet. And the fact is there is a variety of ways and a large multicultural space for versatility.

Does Mahathir eat mee rebus with his fingers? Chopstick cynics and scoffers should try it. They quickly realise why the Chinese, Japanese and Koreans use chopsticks, and forks and spoons.

Not every Chinese household use chopstick. Our parents didn't and we still don't. I will use my fingers eating in Malay homes but we all use fork and spoons if dining outside. That wasn't hard to grasp, was it?

The trouble with a spinmeister is he believes in his own spin. Sufferers of pseudopodia fantastica, a pathological lying sickness, often do. They repeat the lie and convince themselves it is the truth, sometimes even while dozing.

Sadly, Mahathir displays an incredible ignorance of his country, its social history and of the Chinese. At least, talk some sense, but then he would not be Mahathir. Najib said 'cash is king' but Mahathir wants to be the perpetual kingmaker.

When he says look at the Indians and Arabs, they integrate, he is implying I am Indian, I integrate. Sure. So where does his Nehru jacket fit in Malay society? Disintegration is Mahathir's forte, not integration.

The Chinese will have to stand in a long, long queue for a Mahathir apology. But don't bank on it. Former Australian prime minister Paul Keating said it all in one apt word - recalcitrant. You cannot reason with an obstinate man. It is my way or the highway.

The emperor has no clothes and Mahathir has no idea what he is talking about when it comes to the Chinese and the use of chopsticks. Many Malaysians lived through the 'turbulent times' under his rule and have no need for Mahathir to make them relive their nightmare in his memoirs.

But I love the man. He would make a fabulous after-dinner comedian. Long live Mahathir.

STEVE OH believes every Malaysian ought to learn to eat with chopsticks, fork and spoon, hand and fingers, and talk with their head tightly screwed on and not put their foot in their mouth.