Thursday, August 25, 2005

Incoming, Your Majesties, Duck Duck Duck!

“Duck, duck, your Majesties, emergency alarms have gone off, we have intruders on palace grounds!”

Visualise such a scene at the British royal family's summer estate in Scotland. Because of you-know-what-and-why, the Balmoral palace grounds have newly installed security alarms.

The intruders have been identified as Arabella, Antoine, Parsley, Sage, Rose, Mary and Thyme. No, these are not 007-type secret agent names.

They are but seven ducks belonging to Prince Charles. Charles obtained them because he considered and thus employs them as environmentally friendly, free-range pest controllers around Birkhall, his place at Balmoral. The ducks demolish worms, slugs and insects and other pests, thus avoiding the need for chemical applications in the garden. Charles is of course a man devoted to organic gardening. The ducks are also partial to grass, so act as living lawn mowers.

Unfortunately, day and night, the ducks are setting off alarms triggered by underground sensors buried under paths and lawns. And to compound the situation the ducks are Indian runners, an extremely active specie. Unlike other ducks, they run rather than waddle, affecting the sensors more.

To solve the problem, the security people are calling in some Chinese specialists. For a start, the plan will be to change the names of Arabella, Antoine, Parsley, Sage, Rose, Mary and Thyme to seoi arh, loh arh, kiam chai arh, chean chuan arh, ark moi, mee snua arh and tau eu arh. That will definitely solve the problem of the alarms being set off. But don’t tell Charles this, OK?

OK I made up the last bit ;-)


  1. roast duck, braised duck, salted vege duck soup, ?? duck, duck porridge, duck vermecilli, and ??duck respectively.

    You forgot peking duck

  2. good one chewxy

    chean chuan arh is a Penang-Siamese dish where Arabelle is asked to rest in ginger, shallots, garlic and chillie all goreng with soya sauce. A spicy gingerish stewed duck - damn nice with steamed rice or bread.

    tow eu arh is Antoine lovingly bathed/dipped in soya sauce until the sauce permeates her very tissues but leabing her skin nice and glossy.

    We do ducks with loving organic care.