Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Goblok to Golek - a letter to the minister

Dodgee Creative Con-Sultan Solutions
12, Jalan Bodek
Taman Kamunting
Pulau Pinang

Yang Berhormat
Datuk Yusuf Go-Bells
Kementerian Propaganda Anti-Barat


I refer to the timely and fatherly warning your ministry has issued to the public, advising them not to listen to dangerous people who have no qualms about becoming the tools of foreign nations to damage our country, including the economy and national unity.

Indeed by soliciting the unsolicited support of the Paris-based Reporters Without Borders (RSF), those bloggers are supporting foreign elements bent on destroying our beloved country. Good heavens, soon we could even be having soufflé instead of otak otak. It goes to show we cannot be too complacent even with unemployed female liars who constitute 80% of Malaysian bloggers.

Once again, we are grateful for your benevolent and appropriate guidance.

Indeed I have been appalled by the unnecessary, libellous and distorted reporting on one brave former minister (of some sort or state) who knew ... er ... exactly what he was reporting to the police about those femino-nazi bloggers.

I have often come across such negative information from that insidious online news portal called malaysiakini. Oh, I can assure you, Datuk, I do not read the provocative malaysiakini at all.

It was one of my shop assistants (female, as to be expected) who kept feeding me with such insidious news. No doubt she was skiving from her duties (as to be expected of a female) to surf the Internet. I would not be surprised at all if she is one of those lying female bloggers. Well, it will not be long before she acquires the third qualification – unemployment.

Anyway, I adore your ‘goblok’ word to describe those idiotic bloggers.

As you may probably be aware, Datuk, I believe we can take that term further. As a student of the Indonesian language, I am convinced the ‘goblok’ can be now adjusted (just by changing a couple of letters) to come out as ‘golek’.

In Indonesia, ‘golek’ means a wooden rod-puppet used in the traditional Indonesian wayang. I bet you must be as excited as I am at the possibilities that such ‘puppets’ can offer to your ministry’s program.

This is an example of how my Dodgee Creative Con-Sultan Solutions can make exceptional con-sultan-cy advice available to your ministry .

When I was doing con-sultan-cy work in Indonesia, I improved the image of the Indonesian equivalent of our Anti Anti Corruption Agency (ACA). Unlike us, the Indonesian authority had an image problem on issues of graft. I felt sorry for them as they are not as blessed as us in enjoying a very sneaky squeaky clean country.

As you are familiar, nay, very fluent with Indonesian terms you would be aware of the Indonesian acronym for graft or corruption, namely ‘pungli’ which of course we both know is derived from the merging of two words, ‘pungutan liar’.

I recommended to the Indonesian ACA a program of anti-corruption exercise, a complete package of activities designated as Anti Pungli Operasi Wilayah or 'Regional Operations on Anti-Corruption'.

As the Indonesians love their singkatan (acronyms) so much I also suggested that the designated exercise be known by the catchy acronym of ANGPOW.

The anti-graft commanders and business sector were delighted with ANGPOW though the Indonesian NGOs were furious. I believe the last was just jealous that the con-sultan-cy went to a Malaysian firm, namely my Dodgee Creative Con-Sultan Solutions.

I await Datuk’s kind evaluation of Dodgee Creative Con-Sultan Solutions' proposal to develop your ministry’s strategy to convert those 'goblok' bloggers into 'golek' bloggers.

Malaysia GoBlokleh!

Yang benar

Dodgee Dimsum

p/s apart from my Dodgee Creative Con-Sultan Solutions, I also have my other company Inspired Dodgee Intuitive Organised Team (IDIOT) which offers administrative support services, specialising in making police reports on erring people, such as those 'goblok' bloggers on behalf of civic-conscious VVIPs. A full portfolio will be build up on each trouble maker for any former minster to use should a police report be necessary.

The Yum-Cha Chronicles:
May 13 Book - a letter to the minister
Apology - A letter to the minister
Bloggers - A letter to the ministry