Apology - A letter to the minister

Dodgee Pharmaceuticals
2, Jalan Bodek
Taman Kamunting
Pulau Pinang

Kepada:
Yang Berhormat
Datuk Boh Bo Chor
Kementerian Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga & Masyarakat


Datuk,

I refer to the magnificent resolution that Datuk's ministry has brought about, over an unnecessary polemical conflict regarding a minor issue of plumbing deficiency in our most august House of Parliament. Trust those DAP MPs to escalate a mere leak into a raging torrent of protests.

I was appalled by the DAP insensitivity for making mountains out of puddles.

In fact it was such a non issue that I would normally ignore it if I did not chance across a report of the DAP scandalous behaviour, that was overdone by that insidious subversive online news portal called malaysiakini which I assure you I do not read at all.

It was one of my shop assistants who informed me of the news item. No doubt he was skiving from his duties to surf the Internet, again. He is only employed on a monthly basis so I will have no difficulty in removing him.

malaysiakini should be officially chastised for even leaking jokes made in jest and which are protected by parliamentary privileges. How insensitive and tasteless of the online news outlet, undoubtedly plagued by mainly unemployed (male) blogger-liars masquerading as journalists.

May I once again congratulate Datuk's ministry for plugging up the opposition party's outrageous and subversive propaganda well before that disgraceful deplorable dribble develops any further. Indeed, thanks to your ministry's swift and prompt action, we have spared the two commendable Yang Berhormats from being unnecessarily and shamefully harassed and insulted with tasteless titillating titbits by those DAP feminine-Nazis.

Yet ungratefully, some citizens (I would not be surprise if their vociferous protests were created by phantom bloggers) still fail to see how your Ministry of Women, Family & Community Development has, as in this exemplary conflict resolution, firmly 'guided' Malaysian women including and especially that DAP Fong Po Kuan into their 'rightful positions', a correct and necessary action to ensure Malaysia has a fighting chance to develop 'traditional' family values.

China Press has reported the brilliant reply of a Yang Berhormat when he was again, alas, harassed for comment by journalists yesterday on whether he would apologise to Fong. He courageously stated: “I will apologise IF she is a woman!”

Articulate, pithy and straight right to the source of where all of us, I mean this, came from, the Yang Berhormat’s superb hard hitting response captured the worrying existence of what I had earlier described as the festering fermenting feminine-Nazi culture in the DAP.

Don’t they know their womenly place in our Malaysian society? My colleagues and I wish to reaffirm our appreciation for your Women Affairs Ministry in protecting men’s rights against such demonic Lilith’s.

Additionally, the Yang Berhormat has sublimely but succinctly drawn our attention to the importance of not messing and moaning around with leaks but instead, of seeking a plumber.

Incidentally, may I take this opportunity to advise that my pharmaceutical store has an impressive range of high quality female hygiene products available. We store both international and domestic products.

Out of a sense of good citizenship, if it helps those DAP feminine-Nazis manage their 'personal' problems better, I am prepared to extend a 10% discount for any product they purchase, assuming they can even afford them on their paltry monthly salaries.

For Barisan Nasional (BN) members, regardless of gender, the discount is 20%. And for BN parliamentarians, I am prepared, as a grateful citizen, to sacrifice good business sense by slashing 35% off. Be assured that my offer carries an unusual sacrificial rain check for your party members.

Please convey my appreciation to those two magnificent Yang Berhormats for their unruffled dignity in the face of vicious DAP provocative insensitive attacks.

If it can be any consolation to their selfless sacrifice of making an unnecessary apology, do advise them that the dictionary* also explains an ‘apology’ as a ‘poor example’. So we may take it that the apology was extended to an apology for a woman, that is, if at all she(?) is one, as the Yang Berhormat has stated.

I hope the divisive affair is finally and firmly plugged up.

Malaysia Bocorleh!

Yang benar

Dodgee Dimsum

p/s * apart from dictionaries, my other company Dodgee Book Store
(just next door to my Dodgee Pharmaceuticals) carries an impressive range of books, DVDs and stationery.

I am also expecting two new management books titled “Conflict Resolution: making apologies without being apologetic” and “Tapping into Malaysian Traditional Family Values: Resisting subversive neo-feminine culture”. The same respective discounts apply to Barisan Nasional members.