Sunday, June 10, 2007

Appreciation - a letter to the minister

Dodgee Ikli-Iklan
22, Jalan Bodek
Taman Kamunting
Pulau Pinang

Yang Berhormat
Datuk Phor Bok-Kor-Lee
Pejabat Perdana Menteri


I refer to the wise directive issued by Yang Berbahagia, Mohd Sidek Hassan the Chief Secretary to the Government, for ministries and government departments to refrain from placing newspaper advertisements thanking VIPs and dignitaries for attending or launching their events

He mentioned succinctly in the circular dated June 7, that the money used for placing such advertisements could be better used for other more beneficial purposes. Absolutely!

It was most fortunate I chanced across that brilliant announcement in an article by that insidious subversive online news portal called malaysiakini which I assure you I do not read at all.

It was one of my shop assistants who informed me of the news item. No doubt she was skiving from her duties to surf the Internet, again. It is unfortunate that malaysiakini has been giving indirect encouragement by way of online example to those bloggers who are in reality wannabe journalists but lack both competency and responsibility like our mainstream journalists.

Besides, we know that 80% of those bloggers are unemployed females who are subjected to leaking … confidential off-the-record information. Totally untrustworthy.

Anyway, in writing in to congratulate Yang Amat Berhormat, our beloved Perdana Menteri, on the occasion of his joyous union as well as for his directive to ministries not to waste public monies in such advertising, I hope you will allow me the temerity to express my heartfelt support for the government’s belief that such matters (of advertising felicitations, compliments or appreciation) be left to the private sector.

Ours is a wonderful conservative society with devotion to traditional core values where the ordinary rakyat and even penghulu’s, perwira’s and pro Barisan Nasional captains of industry need to regularly reaffirm their show of fealty. They can do this without imposing on the public coffers.

In that, it is a brilliant stroke that mainstream media and the private sector accommodate such patriotic and loyal expressions.

Now Datuk, some may have reservation about public show of affiliations through overt advertisements in mainstream media because of perceived conflict of interest in securing government contracts. I lament the terrible spoilsport attitude of the opposition parties in denying appreciative contractors and captains of industry the freedom of expression, to show their admiration for our esteem leaders.

Be that as it may, I congratulate Yang Amat Berhormat, the Perdana Menteri for his policies of firmly devolving such public announcement of appreciations to the private sector.

May I take this opportunity to also advise that my new company Dodgee Ikli-Iklan will be publishing a new magazine for private circulation amongst ministries and industries, away from the eyes of the hoi polloi including the opposition parties.

The new magazine will allow expressions of appreciations and other equally free expressions to be advertised without the opposition parties making mountains out of molehills over issues like silly conflict of interests. We all know that ‘interest’ is ‘interest’ – what a ridiculous suggestion to say that ‘interests’ can conflict.

The new magazine will be titled 'AmpooLah', a succinct play of the words ‘ample land’ to demonstrate our love of this wonderful generous country of ours, with the suffix ‘H’ being the eighth letter of the alphabet portending an auspicious outcome for all, industry as well as the government.

Malaysia Bodekleh!

Yang benar
Dodgee Dimsum

p/s apart from the magazine, my other company Dodgee Doorknock also does singing telegrams where felicitations, appreciation and apologies may be delivered right at the door of the intended recipient by a suitable singer – male, female, young or old, of any ethnic origin including pan-Asian, in traditional or modern tunes.

The preference lies with the user of this service. We sing in five languages – Bahasa Melayu Malaysia, Chinese Mandarin, Chinese Cantonese, Tamil, and English but if sufficient notice is provided (at least 7 days) we can also arrange for singing telegrams to be in Punjabi, Telegu, Malayalam, Hindi, Bengali, Kelantan Melayu, Javanese, Thai, Kadazan, Hakka, Teochew, and Hokkien (Penang, Kuala Lumpur, Taiwanese or Singapore style, though the last one sounds terribly harsh and guttural, as to be expected).

We are currently exploring important 'foreign' languages like Japanese, American English, Indian English and New Zealand English too.

This form of appreciative expression will be very private and confidential with no paper trail at all.


  1. Datuk Phor-Bok Kor Lee
    Pejabat Perdana Menteri

    I regret to inform you that the Prime Minister's Office as yet is unable to accept your Dodgee Doorknock's offer of singing telegrams service and magazine for private circulation amongst ministries.

    As you are aware of, our recent pay hike amounting to RM8 billion per annum has left us high and dry of funds so much so that our office utility bills will have to be paid from our own pockets. In fact, I am writing this reply under candlelight since Tenaga Nasional has cut off our electric supply due to non-payment of arrears.

    BERKHIDMAT UNTUK NEGARA dan Bersih, Cekap dan Amanah or is it Cemerlang Gemilang Terbilang? Darn it all, I have forgotten which slogan to use

    Yang menurut perentah,

  2. Dear valued customer *&^%$#@,

    On second thoughts maybe you aren't a valued customer if you have to bitch about ta'ada wang punya cerita, which makes you one of those hoi polloi who isn't entitled to read both my proposed magazine or even/especially this letter.

    It would seem that the security of the PM's Department has a "leak". The solution may lie with my new company Dodgee Anti-Bocor, which service I now offer as a complimentary and patriotic gesture on the auspicious union of Yang Amat Berhormat with his new 1st Lady (incidentally, whom I had always thought was the Raja Permaisuri Agoing, but what the hell do I know!!!)