Friday, February 16, 2007

UMNO Putera's rempit-ish bounty hunters

Maybe the North Pole may be too hostile, maybe the European-Russian-Canadian nations may not welcome further pollution, both of the technological and human scum kinds, maybe the polar bears are too dangerous to meddle with … ?

So Putera Umno has launched another wondrous idea for the people it desires to recruit as
Brown Shirts. It wants to turn those street retards into bounty hunters.

Yes sirree, Putera UMNO will
reward Mat Rempit with motorcycles for helping police detain snatch thieves.

The police haven’t made any comments yet as this is fairly new, dropped like undesired though not unexpected pigeon poo as in all UMNO Putera’s rempit-ish proposals. And like pigeon poo, we just keep getting this avian sh*t non-stop.

The junior political wing of UMNO said the incentive was one way of curbing snatch thefts in the Baling district and to encourage the illegal racers to be police informants.

Its chief obviously still can’t make up his mind whether he wants his future
Sturmabteilung to be police informants or scalp-harvesting bounty hunters – there’s a world of difference between the two, but then, why should he bother with that difference when ambiguity in politics is an art to cultivate.

But if we combine police informant with pigeon sh*t, since we are getting 2-in-1 types of poo from our amazing future national leaders, we get ‘
Stool Pigeon’ or if you want to be bloody more obvious ‘Pigeon Stool’.

But hey, it’s not all that easy, because he has set a minimum target of 30 snatch thieves at RM50 per head before those bikkies can take home the motorcycle prize.

Maybe the bloke has heard of the old saying 'Set a thief to catch a thief'?

But the Baling public have to watch out as those motorised bounty hunters may well varoom suddenly on you, oh you succulent RM50 target.

Hah, the Attack of the Stool Pigeons, or did I say Pigeon Stool?

Only under a rempit-ish government


  1. has he ever considered the mat rempits themselves may well be snatch thieves too??

    i'm sure the police would not support this idea at all. sometime back when they wanted to gather dunno how many hudreds of mat rempits, the police told them "you are on your own" and it was canceled.

    like the JPJ's 'shoot and win' contest, this idea might be abused by the rempits too.

    sooner than you can say "abdul azeez!" this idea will be withdrawn with red faces.

  2. Mmm...yeah...there have been police reports which indicate Mat Rempits have been involved in roadside thefts.
    I wouldn't want to tar the whole group as criminals. Many of them are just alienated and directionless youths. There's an equivalent of that for Chinese middle-class youths - Cyber Ah Bengs who spend most of their free time in front of computer screens.
    I was like that once....until I realised tech savyness actually had a lot of career value if I learnt to be more focussed and disciplined.

  3. Anoher Boleh! proposals from Boleh! thugsters. I'm sure it would set to be another 'manipulations' of sorts once Mat Rempits learns how to turn it around to their advantages and the real problem will remain unsolved.

  4. Why don't they send all those Mat Rempits to do that planned North Pole jump? That way we can syok sendiri in the Malaysia Book Of Records and also get rid of those bike-tards. It's killing two birds with one stone.

    I know there's the risk of the Mat Rempits attacking the local Inuits and Eskimos, but they won't last long enough in the cold to pose any long term threat. Besides, 100cc bikes without snow tires don't work well up there.