Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Unusual sex position

Once upon a time, years years ago, during the days of my late dad and his brothers (my several uncles), Penang bachelors and even some married men, Malays, Chinese, Indians, Eurasians and the odd lonely Mat Salleh's, would on most Saturday evenings go to the New World Amusement Park somewhere off Burmah Road (Swatow Lane?) to dance.

There in the dance hall, they purchased tickets to dance with the dozens of sweet hostesses (Malays, Chinese, Eurasians but very seldom Indians) who were waiting for them.

My uncles informed me that then there was no such dance as rock 'n roll, shake, twist, etc, which only came about after the mid 60's. In their days, the dances they enjoyed were joget, ramwong, foxtrot, waltz, rumba, quickstep, maybe even the crowd-synergized samba but strangely not cha-cha-cha.

ramwong danced to the popular Thai song
"ai larp u, ti nong chai noi ti nong chai ay"

(ai larp u = I love you, as murdered by Penang Chinese Hokkien, wakakaka)

(don't ask about the rest as they too must have been also murdered, mangled and mutilated)

I once tried the ramwong with my ex from Kelantan, forgetting that she was a traditional dancing enthusiast who was very much into Mak Yong, an almost 1000-year old dance-drama which had its roots in Pattani , Southern Thailand, and which came to northern Malaya more than 200 years ago. In Malaya's earlier years Mak Yong was very popular in the northern Malayan states like Kelantan and Kedah.

About 10 years ago (2005), the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) declared Mak Yong a "Masterpiece Of The Oral And Intangible Heritage Of Humanity".

The Mak Yong was undeniably one of northern Malaya's richest cultural heritage. But alas in 1991, the PAS state government in Kelantan banned the Mak Yong for un-Islamic elements as well as the female dancers having their heads and arms uncovered.

Anyway, back to kaytee and his Kelantan sweetie doing their ramwong, I dread to say that with sweetie's grace and melodious dexterity with her hands, wrists, fingers and nifty footsteps, our efforts on the floor looked like a trampling elephant dancing with a delicate gazelle, wakakaka. And don't ask who was the trampling elephant.

But according to my Uncs, far far more interesting than ramwong or joget were the western dances of foxtrot, waltz and rumba as demonstrated by the Malay dancers.

The Malay men (customers) would be dressed elegantly in Western style dress, long pants, shoes, with long sleeves (usually white) shirts complete with ties, known in the British Army dress code as 'planters'. The Chinese were usually dressed like proper Ah Beng's, meaning short sleeve shirts and no tie (yes, with shoes on, puhleeeze lah they were not so bloody chowkana, wakakaka) while the few Indians and Eurasians would be dressed somewhere between the styles of the Malays and Ah Beng's.


While the Chinese, Indians and Eurasians and some orang putih would dance the Western dances (foxtrot, waltz, rumba etc) the way we do now, the Malays were in a class of their own.

Imagine a man or woman dancing a waltz by him or herself (alone, solo), one arm raised in a fashion to hold the imaginary partner's opposite hand, and the other (for men) to hold the imaginary lady by her waist while the sweeties would be resting the other arm or hand on the imaginary man's shoulder, and then while holding that 'solo' posture, moving in the way that waltz requires the dancer to move.

Put the two, man and woman, together BUT without being in physical contact, say, a foot apart, and let them dance while holding their respective 'solo' posture. And that was how the Malay men and their Malay partners (hostesses) danced the waltz, rumba, foxtrot in the dance hall, yes, without ever touching or holding their partners because they were observing their cultural-religious tradition of not coming into physical contact with the opposite sex (who were not their spouses).

It was like watching a pair of synchronized swimmers, physically separated from each other by a foot in between, in high coordinated motions, yet many of these dancers (obviously people who truly enjoyed dancing per se) were so outstandingly elegant in their no-physical-contact movements even though the men weren't able, as necessary in Western style dancing, to guide or control their partners' movements through subtle hand pressure made possible only by light physical contact.

They were probably using verbal guidance to sway their partners to and fro, turn and twirl around sweetly and waltz across the dance floor like clouds floating across the tops of hills.

It would not be incorrect to say that unique no-contact Western style dancing, found nowhere else in the world, became identified as quintessentially a Malay artistry or dance technique.

Thus, in those earlier Malayan days Malays enjoyed their joget, ramwong and Western foxtrot, rumba, waltz etc without neglecting the observance of their cultural-religious traditions, a wonderful pragmatic evolution in 'East meet West' accommodation and concordance.

Hah, that wonderful social gem of cultural 'accommodation' which alas for us today is so sadly missing.

Unfortunately I don't have a photograph to show you what my uncles described/demonstrated (wakakaka) to me, and I dare say that unique Malay dancing artistry is now extinct, totally. My post on this is probably a small footnote in the social history of the northern Malays.

Today it seems to me the Malays have in the majority discarded or abandoned their quintessentially tradisi Melayu to opt for an Arabic culture, as if we live in a mid latitude desert-type environment instead of a low latitude humid tropical country. Hmmm, is it necessary to observe and practice Islam only in an Arabic way?

So leaving aside the Mak Yong and Wayang Kulit, perhaps it's time to ask what has happened to such stuff as the lovely sarong kebaya?

Ironically, the kebaya originated in the royal courts of the Majapahit era when the Javanese nobility adopted Islam as their religion. The kebaya evolved to adapt the traditional Javanese women's sexy Kemban (torso wrap) into a modest dress more acceptable to the new religion of Islam. But today, the kebaya which as mentioned had ironically evolved to respect Islam might have become non-halal. 

But don't worry lah, the Chinese Malaysian sweeties will maintain this gorgeous Malay dress tradition, perhaps in the way that Arabs had maintained the knowledge of science, mathematics and astronomy of Greece during Europe's Dark Ages, for Europeans to subsequently reclaim.

Anyway, to make us realize this seeming conversion by Malay Malaysians to all things Arab and Arabic, our very dear Perak Mufti informed us yesterday that Women must give husbands sex ‘even on camels’, as if our Malaysia has caravans of camels grazing thorny shrubs (lallang) in our desert-like neighbourhoods.

no wonder Sing wants our sand

if they take our camels they can enjoy sex too which may actually be good for them as Sing men are known to be kiasu in performance when it comes to sex

But seriously Tan Sri, can sex be enjoyed on the back of a camel? Why not first dismount from the creature?


TMI - PAS’s Seri Serdang assemblyman admits objecting to Thirst concert - looks like we have a new 'Nasrudin Hassan At Tantawi'


  1. Apa lah kau nie KT? Betul betul ngok ngek. Zaman dulu mana ada kereta? Di padang pasir mana ada hotel? In the desert sands there are many snakes and scorpions and other poisonous insects and creatures. So, apa lah salah nya to have sex with your spouse on a camel when you have got that urge? Zaman sekarang nie people have sex in the car and do a blow-job/fellatio while driving too! Sama aje 2 x 5 lah tu! Tak de beza nya. Wakakaka….

    1. Sex on camels have another benefit for the Arabs.

      Saves time as there is no time lost to put up tents. The Arabs, who are polygamous, can do the 'thing' on the move.

  2. To muslim scoler sex is everyhing

    1. 15th Century Islamic scholar Jalaluddin Suyuti rote in Al-Itqan fi Ulum al-Qur'an, p. 351:

      "Each time we sleep with a Houri we find her virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. Each chosen one [i.e. Muslim] will marry seventy houris, besides the women he married on earth, and all will have appetizing vaginas."

      Appetizing vaginas? Wow!

    2. Have you not said that you are not going to write about 9 x 8 whatsoever anymore? KT mudah lupa? Wakakaka....

    3. those priesthood caste either knew through divine sources or alternatively through their own fantasies had brought Islam into great disrepute

    4. Not important what you and I believe in!

  3. Replies
    1. with reclining seat and leg room? wakakaka

  4. With the double hump the possibilities are endless!

    1. The 2-humps or dromedary camel is in central Asia (the "-stan" countries), while the one-hump bactrian camel is the one in the Middle East

    2. One or double never make any difference in pleasure !

  5. It certainly gives a different meaning to the words "the hump on a camel".