I’m back, and have I got hot news for you

FMT:

I’m back, and have I got hot news for you

On nasi kandar, the constitution, elderly statesmen, and the wily winning ways of politicians.




I’ve been away for a couple of months. I visited many lands and peoples while proudly flying the Malaysian flag, all the while pining for nasi kandar kari sotong.

Some of the lands were prosperous, others have been called failed nations. But who am I to abuse the hospitality of these nations by naming which is which? I’ll just generalise by saying the more failed a nation is, the more friendly its people are.

Ok, having now also put to rest the question of whether Malaysia is a failed nation, I must say I’m happy to be back. Travel tends to open your eyes, and you often end up saying “Eh, Malaysia is not so bad lah…”

Then, of course, you come home and read the news.


Multiracialism and nasi kandar

I obviously read the comments by our erstwhile ex-prime minister (or perhaps he should be called ex-prime ministers, given he had two whacks at the job), Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamed.

He said it’s unconstitutional to say Malaysia is a multiracial country. By the same token, I guess you can’t say our nasi kandar is the best in Asia either, given that the constitution never mentions that.

But I’d have to disagree. Our nasi kandar, at least the original ones from Penang, is clearly the best in Asia. But the nasi kandar from the many Majus – even if they wash their crockery in the drains – doesn’t even come close.

If Tun in his old age decides to wipe out his own legacy, who are we to stop him? For those still trying to argue for his virtues, chill – go and have a good nasi kandar somewhere.

Tun M has always been an all-or-nothing guy. Power is everything, and if he can’t have it, he doesn’t want anybody else to have it either.

Let the old man be. Remember, Vision 2020 is probably unconstitutional too – that policy certainly isn’t part of the constitution.


What price, nasi kandar?

Elsewhere, many ministers seem to have got their knickers in a twist over an incident involving a Chinese visitor at Kuala Lumpur International Airport.

One minister – not sure which one, they all sound alike nowadays – claimed the whole hoo-haa was probably the result of a misunderstanding. Perhaps the visitor confused the amount quoted to her as being fares or fees or other reasonable charges, rather than bribes.

Or it could even have been the price of a plate of airport nasi kandar, which we all know is rubbish and overpriced like crazy.

What I do know is if a visitor is deemed “Not to Land” – meaning not allowed into the country for whatever reason — the cost of sending that visitor out of the country falls on the airline that brought said visitor in, in the first place.

There really should be no reason why thousands of ringgit get negotiated. But, as I’ve just said, the amount could just be the cost of a plate of nasi kandar at one of the airport restaurants.


Winning mentality

While on the topic of airports, the prime minister also had a message to his ministers: turun padang, a lovely sporting term that means to come down to the field and play. In another context it means “don’t just sit on your fat behind in your office”.

I’m not a big fan of this turun padang concept however. I’m not sure I want even our actual sportsmen and women to turun padang, even if that’s what they’re supposed to do.

Years ago, Malaysian sportsmen and women used to turun padang and win. Nowadays they seemed to have got tired of winning, and decided to leave turun padang to ministers.

I’ve worked in companies where great results were achieved by inspiring and brilliant leaders who got their priorities right and assigned resources and rewarded and punished in equal measure and generally inspired their team to excellence.

They don’t have to turun padang if they’ve done their homework properly.


Ministerial mentality

When ministers turun padang nowadays, it’s just for some cringe-worthy photo opportunities. It’s also for the entire bureaucracy to get into a tizzy sucking up to the minister.

The minister will walk around under camera lights looking serious and thoughtful, asking seemingly important questions, pointing to this and that and looking generally grave and business-like.

Occasionally a minister may even pick a broom or a hose or berate a civil servant, who would be transferred the next day to the boondocks such as, say, Sarawak. as some have opined, for being on the wrong side of power.

It’ll make great TV, while the ministers blame all shortcomings on their predecessors and make some big, unspecific declaration or slogan such as Malaysia Turun Padang!.

Thousands of rakyat would be inconvenienced. Loads of money would be spent on ceremonies and food, while hours of TV and acres of newsprint would be devoted to this unnatural phenomenon.

The loads of nasi kandar inevitably ordered for such events would be better off served to poor visitors at airports who are not allowed to enter the country.


Unkindness of strangers

On another topic, I read that Tan Sri Abdul Hadi Awang, the leader of the Islamic party PAS, is unwell; I’m sure he’s been receiving the best medical care as well as prayers from PAS followers and sympathisers. My own well wishes follow.

But there’s also news about some jerk publicly wishing him harm and other bad things. That’s not cool. Be nice. If you can’t be nice, be kind. You can always be kind.


Hot news

Meanwhile, it’s been revealed that last Monday was the hottest day ever in the world’s recorded history. A combination of climate change, El Nino, and no doubt many ministers opening their mouths on the KLIA issue, have taken us to alarming climate scenarios.

This doesn’t bode well. The weather seems to be going on a walkabout, and we can’t seem to keep it in control.

Here I wouldn’t mind if some minister decides to turun padang and check out the heat we’re all facing, and do something about it — such as go on a walkabout and never come back.