Friday, July 07, 2006

Monkey Business in Big Monkey House

In Cyclops, Genie & an impossible Dream, I mentioned Malaysia’s foremost exponent of simian antics, Cyclops, blabbing about how his nemesis has been selling confiscated expensive cars to only favoured people, and for a song too. Obviously Cyclops implied that he wasn’t one of those favoured people.

I also mentioned that the rocket general poked him in that remaining eye with a small but sharp rocket. Mr Rocket told Cyclops to file an ACA report to show that he wasn't acting out of personal vengeance by raising such a matter in a so-called august forum.

We have now found out from what Cyclops told newsmen that indeed, as Mr Rocket had suspected, his blabbing was due to his disappointment over a personal matter – namely, he didn’t get to buy a Mercedes Benz car he had set his sole monkey eye on, after receiving an offer letter from his nemesis to buy one of their confiscated cars.

Cyclops had eyed an already booked Mercedes-Benz CLK, but was offered instead a Masterpiece model as an alternative, which he didn't want because wifey already has one.

That was when he misused the monkey house to gorilla-shove his fractious chagrin by accusing his nemesis of corruption.

Another and more senior Rocket Man pointed out that Cyclops had personal financial interest in the issue, and cited Standing Order 35(6) which stipulates “a Member [of the Monkey House] shall not speak in any matter in which he has a direct personal pecuniary interest without disclosing the extent of that interest.”

He accused Cyclops of violating that Standing Orders and committed a breach of Monkey House privilege when he failed to declare his pecuniary interest in the issue.

Now, you may wonder why I employed simian terms to describe issues related to Cyclops.

In Cyclops in Monkey House I stated:

There has been monkey business in the Big Monkey House. The Cyclops was allowed to behave like an unruly sexist monkey.

I also discussed that Cyclops averred many of our local performers and dancers of the National Culture and Heritage Academy were ‘soft’, and demanded the academy address the issue.

A Rocket lady then objected: “No matter if the performers are hard or soft, fat or slim, pretty or ugly, they deserve basic respect.”

In an unmitigated sexual innuendo, Cyclops asked the lady: “I understand what you mean, but you like hard or soft?”

Just to remind everyone, Cyclops' obscene allusion was stated in the ... er ... Big Monkey House. Look, I couldn't possibly use another term to describe the place, given Cyclops' unruly behaviour.

Most senior Rocket Man said Cyclops had no moral authority to be in the so-called august place as he had brought shame to that place. But the one-eye simian is still allowed to continue his monkey business, hence it's only appropriate I refer to his antics as monkeying in the Big Monkey House.

So until the Big Monkey House purges itself of monkeys, apes, gorillas and baboons, especially the one-eyed specie, it shall have to accept it's one Big Monkey House.

But in truth, even real monkeys know about shame, hence I apologise to the real monkeys.

No comments:

Post a Comment