I believe the title ‘horny orang minyak’ is tautological - can someone please let the editors at Star know - thanks!
But yawnnn, orang minyak is not new in Malaysia. For example, in 2006 I wrote three posts carrying drafts of a proposed movie script to replace the boring one of the recent film titled Misteri Orang Minyak, starring sweetie Lisdawati as Dian, an archaeology lecturer and Fahrin Ahmad as ASP Norman.
For more, read my 2006 posts:
(1) Orang Minyak
(2) Orang Minyak (2)
(3) Return of the Red-Eyed Toyol
Being a good bloke, to enable your convenient perusal of my script during the holidays, I have collated relevant extracts of the 3 posts, bearing in mind these were written in 2006 at a time when oil price was rising, palm oil price was plummeting, the FRU were busy with oil price protest rallies, and non-Muslims were being arrested and charged in court for holding hands ;-).
Anyway, here goes:
Scene 112th
Dian: "What do you mean there are 2 types of Orang Minyak?"
Norman pauses, turns to present his best angle to camera while projecting a smoky sexy thoughtful look, but in reality ogling Dian’s long voluptuous legs, made perfect by her constant standing and walking about during archaeological lectures.
"Well, there’s the ordinary criminal who smears his body with oil, and if he’s patriotic, he’d use palm oil."
Dian: "Nothing to be patriotic about. The price of motor grease has gone up last week, so he's left with the vegetable oils, and palm oil is the cheapest of the lot!"
Norman nodded absent mindedly to agree, while looking up to the ceiling to indicate he’s gathering his thoughts, which in reality had been on Dian’s long succulent legs, then trying not to be too obvious, move closer to Dian, who's sitting on the sofa, so that he could casually look down her considerable décolletage, which of course forms a normal part of the everyday casual dress for young beautiful Malaysian archaeology lecturer.
"Then there’s the man who indulges in the occult. He summons the supernatural evil forces with which he has an unholy pact."
Dian: "Like the Toyol in Kuantan? I read the Kuantan authorities weren’t too impressed by hordes of Nescafé bottle hunters, rushing there in a hope to retrieve the Toyol, to help them in their 4-D. Those hunters-punters are really something, aren't they?"
Norman remains silent for a while as his thoughts fleetingly switched from bosoms to bosomy pals – 3 of those hunters-punters are in fact his close friends. He wonders whether he ought to arrest them just to give them a fright for fooling around with illegal 4-D? But he realizes his priority and shifted from 4-D thoughts back to 3-D views. Delectable!
And at that precise moment, Dian leans forward to fiddle with her shoe straps - & he nearly suffers a cardiac arrest. He thinks, as he attempts to stabilize his heart rates, that he will pick up his morning jogs again rather than attend the human rights lectures* - his heart rate had shot up to values allowing an escape from earth's gravitational pull into orbit.
* in 2006 the PRDM conducted human rights lecture for its officers after a series of blunders (blunders still continuing till today)
"Maybe. He evokes the evil forces to mesmerize everyone so that he could slip completely unnoticed into the prey-victim’s house, then hypnotize her into willing submission to his evil advances, has his ways with her in every manner, and then leaves without anyone noticing him."
Norman finds that he has aroused himself thinking of what the Orang Minyak would do to his victims and comparing that to what he has been secretly wishing he could-would do to Dian.
Dian: "Is it true that his … eh … you know ... eh ... that thingy … eh … the member … eh ..." (blushes!)
Norman has been so captured by his own Orang Minyak thoughts that he wasn't really paying attention to Dian, but suddenly on hearing a keyword, becomes alarmed: "Member? His member for parliament? Has anyone important made any complaints of police brutality? We don’t even know who he is, let along arrest or bas .. h … eh … I mean interview him! We now have new standing instructions from the IGP."
Dian thinks Norman looks rather cute when he is flustered, decided to fluster him more.
"No, I mean his sex organ, you know, his penis … some people says it gets unbelievably big. Very BIG! Wouldn't that injure or even kill his victims?"
She allowed her wet tongue to dart hotly from her sweet lips. Then to ensure Norman doesn't miss her excitement, starts to lick her pink lips until they glister.
Scene 113th
Dian’s P-word stops Norman right in his track, He is shocked yet titillated by Dian’s questions about the Orang Minyak’s penis. He feels the blood rushing to his head, and senses a feverish feeling all over his body. He suspects a stomach cramp coming on, hmmm, perhaps a little lower. He soon realises these sensations reflects his intense sexual arousal.
He turns very very slowly to face Dian, who looks at him with a slightly open mouth, tongue tip still lazily and erotically moistening her ruby red lips and heightening their allure. He feels himself ... er ... anyway, to continue to appear ‘cool’, Norman avoids the swallowing reflex necessary to wet his very dry throat, a consequence of his ... er ... 'awakening'. In a very hoarse voice, which to Dian sounds damn sexy … he pronounces:
“If it’s the first type of Orang Minyak, that of a common criminal-rapist who applies oil on his body for the purpose of escaping physical apprehending, then he’s just a normal human being, albeit a criminal, but with normal sized … eh … appendage.”
Appendage eh, Norman feels rather satisfied with his choice of a neutral word – indicating his sophistication, hmmm, that should sort out the PhD archaeologist.
Then he hesitates to say what he has next in mind … but after a quick mull … what the heck, she has been the one who raised the subject. But he decides to sit down first to mask his, ... er ... you know, whatever. He struggles to maintain a level voice:
“Even if he has a supernormal, note supernormal and not supernatural, sized appendage, the worst case scenario would be a brutal rape, and not the sort of savage ravaging you alluded to.”
“Our police files of rapes by alleged Orang Minyaks do not indicate any atrocious brutalities. The victims did not suffer serious injuries other than slight bruises associated with normal penetrations.”
He said the word ‘penetration’ with emphasis, while glancing furtively at her elegant long legs again. He notices that Dian has by then crossed hers, which brings into prominence one delightful petite ankle, so porcelain smooth and fair. But what sends a shock wave of erotic ecstasy coursing through him like a tsunami is the sight of a slim gold bracelet, the type with cute little bells, locks, keys and hearts, adorning one of those sweet ankles.
There’s nothing more erotic, more fetching, more seductive than the gorgeous ankle of a beautiful woman adorned with a slim gold chain. The trinket somehow magnifies the voluptuousness of the concupiscent picture.
At that moment he feels like dropping on his knees in front of her, and holding that component of her bipedal perfection in caressingly devotion. He fantasises raising her leg gently by her luscious calf in one hand and exquisite heel in the other to his adoring lips.
Oh, to kiss her ankle, her insteps, no, to lick them ever so slowly and then passionately suck her toes. He craves to confer all his focussed attention on that gorgeous petite ankle. The pheromones saturate the room, almost overpowering his normal cautious self restraint.
But what could have happened next didn’t when Dian asks the next question.
“None whatsoever?”
That was like throwing a pail of freezing cold water right into his face. His aroused ardour immediately deserts him, his tumescence subsides. Shocked and stunned, he ponders in silence, to buy time for what he would say next, and would he even say it?
His acute mind races back in time to that one incident, a dark chapter, the darkest! Should he bring it out and frighten this lovely woman that he has become attracted to? He glances at her and sees the big round beautiful almond eyes waiting, rather rapturously he thinks.
“Well, ….. there was … one occasion.” He hesitates again, reluctant to drag that episode up.
Dian becomes excited as evident by her rapidly heaving breasts, which pass totally unnoticed by a very troubled and pensive Norman. She challenges gently, almost in a whisper: “Yes?”
Painfully he mentions the case: “There was a case … in 1941 … our records showed that a woman was severely brutalised ….. very very brutalised ….. She was ……..”.
He trembles as he mentioned that, a cold shiver running up his spine as if ….....
Dian wraps her arms around herself and tightens her self embrace in anticipative suspense, unconsciously accentuating her physique in ways that would have sent Norman on a wild fantasy if he wasn't already deeply troubled. She asks breathlessly:
“She was ..…?”
********
Kaytee’s note: Scenes 114th to 208th by paid subscription only wakakaka!
********
Scene 209th
Norman: “Dian, I’m closing the case of the Orang Minyak. I don’t think we’ll hear from him again.”
Dian (smirking): “Yeah, I am not surprised. I heard your Police couldn’t find their own noses even if those were in front of them.”
Norman: “Oh? Why do you say that?”
Dian: “I read this rather interesting blog with the posting Brutal murderers among us!”.
Norman thought: that KTemoc bastard – I’ll get him.
“C’mon Dian, sometimes evidence were corrupted by civilians on the scene and we police gets the blame. Anyway, the oil price is too high for the Orang Minyak to play around extravagantly with grease. If there’s any silver lining in the fuel price hike, it’s that it has financially curbed that serial rapist. And don't read that KTemoc postings - he's a ... eh ... trouble maker.”
Dian: “Oh, I like KTemoc - from his writing I think he's kind of sensitive and imagine he must be rather cute. Anyway, what about the price of chemicals?”
Norman: “Cute? I'll cute him! Chemicals? OK, let's stay on this chemical thingy - what chemicals are we talking about?”
Dian: “You know, the chemicals your FRU used to lace their water cannons.”
Norman (exaggerating a pained look): “Dian, Dian Dian! Let's be fair lah! We’re required by law to maintain public order. I know we look bad, but those protestors weren’t your average concerned ordinary civilians who were outraged by the increased fuel price. They were PKR and PAS members out to exploit the situation for cheap publicity."
"Everyone knows PKR’s popularity has been flagging off badly; it's in dire need of a dramatic boost in publicity. That’s why their members, those remaining anyway, were out in full force. One PAS leader even took along his 6-year old daughter. Can you imagine the irresponsibility of that?"
"It’s obvious PKR and PAS were out for political gains rather than protesting against the fuel price. Did you see any DAP members there?”
Dian (switching subject to avoid arguing): “I heard the toyol’s back!”
Norman (relieved of the change in topics): “Yes, what does your archaeological background tell you about such things?”
Dian: “It’s obvious the sea current brought the floating bottle to Kampong Merchang. But if you’re asking about its occult aspect, we could go all the way back to the Greek mythical Hecate, or even earlier to the ancient Egyptian Isis, or Hinduism's Tantric branch."
"The last had been the strongest influence on Javanese and Balinese Hinduism and thus their occultism. Hinduism had also influenced Khmer, Thai and Burmese black magic. We live right on the cross roads of these ancient civilisations hence the Malaysian origin of the occult may be traced back to Tantric Hinduism as well. Even Lamaism practises some form of high level Tantric Buddhism, which merges Tantric Hinduism and Buddhism, something entirely unique to Tibet.”
Norman (smirking): "Well, I’ve heard about Tantric sex and the Kama Sutra.”
Dian: “Huh, I am not surprised!”
Norman (exploiting what he saw as an opening): "Hey, what say we go out tonight and get to know each other better?”
Dian (with Mona Lisa smile): “No can do, Haven’t you heard what federal court judge Ahmad Fairuz Sheikh Abdul Halim pronounced recently?"
Norman (protesting) “But but but that’s to do with kissing and hugging!” swallowing up Dian’s bait.
Dian (closing the trap): “I rest my case, your honour.”
[To be continued …]
I know you despise Anwar Ibrahim but wished to bring this article about DSAI to your attn (and distract u from yr amusing Orang Minyak story!):
ReplyDeletehttp://steadyaku-steadyaku-husseinhamid.blogspot.com/2009/09/anwar-ibrahim-he-cannot-sing-he-cannot.html
Hope you can put it up? I'm just a reader but find these thots worth pondering:
"Anwar has chosen the path less traveled. This path requires an uncommon resolve to move relentlessly ahead no matter what. He stands in front of crowds everyday. He meets more people then he can remember everyday and all this he does with a willingness that belittle his age. He could be anywhere he wants to be in the world and be welcomed by world leaders and acquaintances. He could be in business and be rich beyond our wildest dreams. Instead he chose to serve the nation. He chose to take us to the next election because if Anwar does not do so, who will take us?"
-Penag Lang