British Citizenship Test

OK, if you want to take up British citizenship, from now on it will be more than just having the ability to drink warm beer or knowing that Britain’s most popular TV soap opera is Coronation Street – a series that is so bloody boring that even its TV producers must have forgotten about it, which probably explains why the usually-maximum-of-2-rooms-3-personalities yakkety yak show has been allowed to keep going on and on.

An applicant for British citizenship shall now take and pass a multi-choice test which costs approximately AUS$80 per sitting. If one fails, one can try again after coughing up the fee. Some sample questions are:

• Where are Geordie, Cockney and Scouse dialects spoken?
  (Answer: Tyneside, London's East End, Liverpool respectively)
  
• Which of these uses a jury system?: Magistrates Court, Crown Court, Youth Court, County Court.
  (Answer: Crown Court)
  
• Is this true or false?: Your employer can dismiss you for joining a trade union.
  (Answer: False)
  
• Which of these statements is correct? A television licence is required for each television in a home OR a single television licence covers all televisions in a home.
  (Answer: The second is correct)

However, when put to the same test by reporters from The Times with a most relevant ‘British’ question like "Who is the Head of the Church of England?" ... eh ... Buckingham Palace failed miserably.

OK, don’t ask how but your friendly helpful ole blogger, KTemoc, has laid his hands on some of those citizenship test questions. Some specimens are:

• How long did Tony Blair claim that Saddam Hussein’s WMD missiles would take to reach London?
  (a) 45 minutes.
  (b) 45 seconds.
  (c) 45 hours.
  (d) 45 lies.
  
  
• Is this TRUE or false? All successful applicants for the citizenship test have agreed that the London subway bombings were NOT at all related to the magnificent British democratic assistance for today’s peaceful and unified Iraq.
  
  
• Which government supported the world’s most powerful drug cartel in forcing the sales of opium to China through dire threat of drastic naval bombardments by the world’s most powerful navy, and also through two punishing wars on the sick man of Asia?
  (a) Chad.
  (b) Burkina Faso.
  (c) Botswana.
  (d) Br.t..n.