Every time some bloody MPs or ADUNs die, I’m in trouble. Boss wants to win, so I have to be creative, f* bloody creative. Why can’t those bloody MPs and ADUNs be young people, so I only need to kerja kuat once every 5 years?
Maybe I can sneak in a clause that anyone over 60 should not stand as an election candidate. Thank goodness sometimes Mother Nature intervened to help, when we could then direct where the boats should go to pick up voters [what? why Mother Nature? no no lah, I can't, dare not mention His Name swt (you know, like waving a red flag), because ... yes yes, He knows all but I don't want to particularly alert Him to the specific nature of my tasks].
Phantom votes, postal votes, proxy votes, pariah votes, pundee-pordah, pening-lah!
Why can we just stick to the traditional form of cheating, namely gerrymandering and disappearing-reappearing postal boxes?
Karn-neen-nare, [now, doesn't those swear words prove I'm truly 1Malaysian?] Also got to slow down pre-poll registration, make registration forms scarce, shift registered voters around, preferably, if I have my way, from Kota Kinabalu to Ayer Itam (the one in Penang) and vice versa, if only these realignment of voters' districts wasn't that blooming obvious.
Why the f* can’t the NRD people do their bit, like making people’s KP disappear or (as in Sabah) appear, as 'Blue' ones too!
Then got to act 'dunno' about violations of laws when Boss commits them during his campaigns, but jump on Boss’ lawan when they commit same stuff. Blast that woman Ambiga-whats-her-name for highlighting my 'acting dunno'. F*, of course I know but ...
And that Penang bloke got a nerve asking for local council elections. If elected, how to reward 'member' kita ler? I admit most of these snouts-in-trough twerps are super-arseh*le$ and won't have a hope of a snowflake in hell of ever being elected, but Boss punya agenda, so gotta bodek ler.
Goodnight Diary, though I’m still very much awake, thinking of new schemes to show boss. Alamak, what comes after postal and proxy votes? Putu piring polls? [you know that type, bits of brown sugar (and I'n not being racist here), bits of coconut shavings but lots of porous starch!]