Hell hath no fury like a 'green hat'!

Hell hath no fury like … a husband cuckolded.

Not too long ago, a (Malay) husband returned home suddenly to check on his wife and caught her doing what he had been suspicious of, committing adultery with another man. He was so incensed that he bashed the wife’s lover with the motorcycle helmet he had in his hand. He killed the Casanova. I suppose he went to prison.

Another similar incident, years earlier, involved a Chinese husband. Like the first case, he was suspicious of his wife's infidelity and did the unexpected-return-home bit. He used a ladder to climb back into the house, to avoid knocking at or opening the door which might have alerted the lovers. He shafted his ball-bearing scrapper into the naked Don Juan. Bloke went to prison, and I wouldn’t be surprised if wife or former wife (If he had divorced her while in prison) got a new lover while he was eating government nasi kari.

Then there was another case in Hong Kong but in that incident the supposedly an-item couple wasn't married yet, Well. the story went that she slept with another man. The affair became known and unfortunately for the lover, the boyfriend was a gangster. He and his gang waylaid the Romeo, held him down, removed his pants and snipped off his manhood with a pair of scissors - ouch and Catastrophic Calamity! Being real meanies, they threw his thingy into a difficult-to-access drain to ensure no brilliant surgeon reattached the 'root' cause of the trouble.

Well, recently here we have a smarter bloke, according to a news item by malaysiakini.

Yahya (51 years old) suspected that his air stewardess wife (31 years old) was two-timing him since early last year. Lover is a 27-year-old electrician.

Yahya did the wise thing rather than allowed his rage to take over and propel him into foolish criminal violence, which might have provided him with momentary satisfaction of revenge but which would be followed by years and years of regret in prison for a woman not worth that sacrifice.

He coopted the Federal Territory Religious Department and led a religious posse to an apartment in Kuala Lumpur where they found his wife and her lover allegedly committing khalwat (close proximity).

... meaning they were caught in a naughty congregation ...

The raiding team having banged at the door for 20 minutes, decided to cut the lock at the entrance. Just as they started to do so the woman opened the door. I wonder whether those posse members fell inside the apartment on top of one another as she suddenly whipped the door wide open.

They found the man clad in shorts and T-shirt and the woman in a pair of pyjamas. I suppose 20 minutes would have been enough time to plan an exit strategy. In this they were better than George Bush and John Howard, though not by very much, because I would have expected the man by then to be dressed up in tradesmen working outfit complete with pliers and screwdriver (the real type), while the woman could have slipped into something more than just jammies. And they could have carried a couple of bulbs, wires and maybe even a condomenser.

Alas, they didn’t so they were brought to the religious department for questioning.

In ancient China, nay, in fact not too long ago - before the Communist took over and sex became a State controlled function or item, which was rationed out to those according to their needs, and contributed by those according to their ability - the female adulterer would be shoved into a pig’s cage, which would then be weighted down with rocks before being thrown into the nearest river. Unless she has gills she won’t be committing adultery anymore. The male culprit would be killed immediately if not castrated in the most painful manner first.

The Chinese would cruelly describe a cuckolded husband as “a man who wears a green hat”. It seems (I read somewhere) that during the Yuan Dynasty, the law required the male staff (pimps?) of brothels to wear green headscarves. Also, during the Ming Dynasty, the law also required singers, who were usually prostitutes, to wear green headscarves and green clothes. I suppose that explains the origin of the 'green hat'.

So, don’t give a Chinese man a green hat for a present or for him to wear one at a party, unless you intend to hint to him his wife has been cheating on him.