A neighbourly letter

Dear Neighbour,

Limpeh tell you all the marginalisation talks are just nothing more than a teh-oh in a teapot ... er, sorry, I mean … teacup – hehehe, we don’t want to dig up that Sky Kingdom thingy, do we?

You have your keris, I have my own weapons, namely words to frighten the sh*t out of my countrymen (I wouldn’t use the ‘sh*t’ word in public, you know - I have to jaga standard, maintaining my Pukka accent – afterall, yours truly holds a Mat Salleh royal award).

I just wanted to show my people they ought to be jolly grateful that I had looked after them. I had to make reference to your … er … people to draw out the comparison or rather, contrast. My people were slacking so I had to inject that ‘rugged society’ bull again, intravenously if necessary.

Look at the youngsters of today, our successors – they lack our wit, guile, brains and may I even say, flair, but they have plenty of ‘mouth’, so sometimes we are compelled to show them we have even bigger 'mouths’ which we only use when it matters.

I am sure you personally are familiar with young people and their ‘mouths’ in recent time. For example, your in-law has been acting like an out-law, using words in a crude indefensible fashion, which I (of course) had employed more skilfully. I pronounced mine in an international forum instead of an unique-ethnic one.

But don’t worry, my people see him regularly down here so we can jaga and groom him up to be worthy of his fine education, even though I have to say, and I hope you won’t mind me doing so, that a Cambridge education is always superior to that of those damn set of colleges over in the Midlands.

Oh, by the way, if you need any help or assistance with that has-been, just let me know and I’ll get the old news media here to whip up another 22 questions again. Originating from here, you will be Teflon coated when the sh*t (don't forget, old boy, this is a private letter, OK?) hits the fan over at your place.

I’ll drop across soon for a private chitchat on our investments in your area. I must say the recent paraochial sentiments have been dampening to further trans-LK (longkang) investments, to say the least. But until them, just hold that dignified demeanour and you’ll come out smelling like a cempaka.

Yours in anticipation,

You-know-who