12 Good Reasons For Being Malaysians

1. We are not Indonesians but Malaysians – you can tell who's what by our use of the word ‘butuh’, which changes meaning once the Malacca Straits is crossed, though there is a strong correlation between the different use of the word.

2. We have the world’s tallest building, best F1 circuit, biggest pewter mug, longest and sharpest keris (belonging to UMNO Youth) … highest/tallest/biggest/largest/ … blah blah blah ... because Malaysia Boleh (can do).

3. We can be driving, picking our nose, cursing another driver, talking on the mobile phone, drinking, eating, processing kwa-chih, tuning or adjusting the car radio and bribing the cop at the same time - traffic fines can be settled on the spot with the cop, sometimes with a discount.

4. We can even divorce by sending SMS (dai tambi, this was in Singapore, not Malaysia!) – Oops, OK lah, since some of us can even guarantee a passageway direct to divine paradise, it's possible to purchase 'tickets to heaven', a world-first - just wait for Malaysia's 2008 general elections.

5. Nasi lemak, teh tarik, soup kambing, roti canai, bah kut teh, etc for breakfast, tiffin, lunch, tea, dinner, supper, extra supper until breakfast again, yes man, available 24 hours.

6. We can save lots of electricity because our TV shows are so crappy, and our power stations keep breaking down.

7. We are a completely blameless lot because we usually blame everything on the smoke haze, Indons, Thais, Singaporeans, Ukraine, George Soros, Jews, Americans, Australians, or at the domestic scene, the Chinese, Malays, Indians, Kadazans, Ibans, Bai’s, Ayah Pin, TAR, Chin Peng, etc although our favourite punching bag now is TDM, whom we were bodek-ing until he retired.

8. Our unelected 'resource'-ful City/Town Councils work under the 1st world practice of delegation - delegate one person to drive the van, one to carry the ladder, one to change a street bulb and three others to watch.

9. We are Towering Malaysians, able to make 2 lane trunk roads into 3 lane highway and back to 2 lanes but only when cops are sighted.

10. There's always something for the Public Works Department to do. They dig, resurface, dig and resurface, and ... at least until the road, bridge or building collapse due to poor construction in the first place – even the hallowed Parliament House is not exempted. And our main roads are designated highway because that would enable companies, blessed by the government, to collect toll, maybe until 2957, our Millenium Year.

Merdeka (but not from the toll).

11. As per the case of our city councillors, our ruling party has set a democratic example where its members have the democratic rights NOT to nominate anyone other than those selected few already determined by the party elite.

12. As an intrinsic part of our Boleh-ness we probably hold the world’s record for bestowing the most number of knighthoods - no problem, we have 15 separate sources able to bestow knighthoods. We aim to achieve a second record on this, by striving to have more knights in the realm than common people, which will be achieved pretty soon.