Naming a New Planet - the Divine Connection (2)

Continuing from Naming a New Planet - the Divine Connection (1)

While the Greeks had many ancient gods (which the Romans borrowed and then changed their divine names to Roman ones), only 12 were considered to be, in today’s political terminology, the inner cabinet. Known as the 12 Olympians, they were (again, Roman names first and then Greek name in parentheses):

Jupiter or Jove (Zeus), his wife Juno (Hera), Neptune (Poseidon), Ceres (Demeter), Apollo (Apollo), Diana (Artemis), Mars (Ares), Venus (Aphrodite), Mecury or Mercurius (Hermes), Minerva (Athena), Vulcan or Vulcanus (Hephaetus) and Vesta (Hestia).

Well, from the above we now know when a Brit says "By Jove" he means "By God"!

Undoubtedly the Indians, Chinese and Arabs will have their own designations. But let's assume the western astronomers want to maintain the theme of Roman Gods in naming the new planet '2003-UB313'. Out of these 12 Olympians, 6 names have been already been used for the planets - the three planets not named after any of the 12 Olympians are Earth, Saturn and Uranus.

It’ll be unlikely that they would use Apollo as he is closely associated with the Sun although he must not be mistaken for the Sun God.

That leave 6, namely Juno (Hera), Ceres (Demeter), Diana (Artemis), Minerva (Athena), Vulcan or Vulcanus (Hephaetus) and Vesta (Hestia) – 5 ladies and 1 bloke.

Since Venus (Aphrodite) has been the only goddess to merit a planet, I wouldn’t be surprised that if the Roman Gods theme is to be maintained in the naming, another goddess will be proposed. In the old male chauvanistic world, female goddess didn’t have a chance. I bet Venus was the sole exception because she was a hot sexy lady.

OK, I’ll try to guess who would be the likely candidate. Let’s kick out Ceres (Demeter) and Vesta (Hestia). Both aren’t particularly outstanding in Greek or Roman mythology. Besides, if anything Demeter (Ceres) as the Mother Goddess of the Earth should be planet Earth’s name if there is ever a need to name our planet along the Roman Gods theme. Hestia (Vesta) is the Goddess of the Hearth, hardly an appropriate name for a bloody cold planet.

Hera (Juno) as the wife of Zeus and mother of several gods & goddesses would be petty pissed off if she was assigned to the last and quite insignificant planet. That leave us with Diana (Artemis) and Minerva (Athena).

OK, from this stage I will switch to names of Greek gods rather than Roman gods as I prefer their original versions.

Both Artemis and Athena were known as frigid ladies and virgins - well, 'more or less' for one, but let's leave the 'more or less' issue aside for a while.

Unlike the other Greek gods who f***ed around pretty much, especially Zeus, these two were what today would be called Butch-es, mind you, good looking ones. Both were not only warriors but were very warlike.

Athena was particular noted for her martial spirit. She was born clothed in full armour, shouting a war cry that resounded in heaven and on earth. Awesome, what a babe - she would have shrivelled my you-now-what!

My cousin claims the war cry part sounded like his mother-in-law, except that dragon was clothed completely in scales ;-)

But of the two, Athena was more disposed towards humans, helping several, like Heracles, Odysseus, Perseus, etc. She’s also the patron goddess of the City of Athens, giving that ancient city the gift of the olive tree.

Artemis was the elder twin sister of Apollo, and daughter of Zeus. She is a nasty, easily riled, vindictive and at times murderous goddess, who’s only interested in hunting, either stags or humans. She killed easily and frequently, for example, slaughtering the children of Niobe.

Some say she helped women during childbirth because of her own experience helping her mum delivered her twin brother Apollo - yes, she's only 1 day older than Apollo but being a goddess, the moment she was born she was up and about, playing tennis, using men's you-know-what for balls - but she was also said to kill the women during their delivery.

Similar in many respect like the Hindu goddess Kali, except for blood drinking, she’s reputed to spread diseases in strange contrast to her skills of healing. The only two people she had affection for were her mum Leto and perhaps her twin brother Apollo. Eternally young, she had no time for men, and indeed requested of her divine father Zeus the gift of being eternally a virgin.

Mind you, new age woman would love her. She's known as the 'Huntress', not the sort who hunts for men because she's hardup - she hunts stags and men to kill them ... gulp ... Her favourite weapon was bow and arrows, and being an oripatas or man-killer, it's not surprising that she was the goddess worshipped by the legendary Amazons.

In the end, men would say she’s a real bitch, who loved to castrate them. She's the archetypical strong assertive, no, better make that bloody aggressive, independent-minded take-no-sh*t female. Today's male chauvnists would probably called her a neo-lesbo-nazi. Blast ... eh ... she reminds me of a former girlfriend ... blast again.

There you are, if we think the new planet is hostile, cold and a real bitch, you know who to select. And if you are a woman, and adore your heroine, then we are all agreed that Artemis or in Roman designation, Diana should be the choice in the naming of 2003-UB313.

On the other hand, if you feel that while the planet is cold, she may one day help us (minerals etc) then Athena may be the choice, and the Athenians will love you for that selection. Only problem for Athena is that she was born on the shores of Lake Tritonis in Libya, and thus would be considered as a Libyan. Now, we know how Americans feel towards Libyans after the Lockerbie disaster, so American astronomers may not like her. Mind you, the Libyans of those mythological era weren’t exactly Colonel Qaddafi’s ;-)