The Boleh-ness of Belief: A Malaysian’s space odyssey

 

SATIRE | The Boleh-ness of Belief: A Malaysian’s space odyssey


11 Nov 2025 • 9:59 AM MYT


Citizen Nades
A legally qualified journalist and a good governance champion

Image Credit: Media Selangor


Editorial Remark: This content is satirical and opinion-based, reflecting the author’s personal views. It is not intended to defame, insult, or target any individual, group, or institution and may contain humor or exaggeration for entertainment purposes.


SATIRE: Her name and fame had blazed through the academic world, outshining even the fieriest of her own theories. If the Wright brothers had only known of the qualities of the good professor’s ancestors and their exploits, so much could have been saved in the futile struggle to become air-borne.


She has stunned the global scientific world with revelations that could rewrite not just aviation history, but the entire story of civilization.


Now, having just finished the last of a grueling series of conference calls, the professor could finally take a breather.


Her day had started in the dead of night because Texas, home to NASA's (National Aeronautics and Space Administration) Johnson Space Center, was 14 hours behind.


With the budget cuts imposed by the Trump administration, the Commander was desperate to pick her brains. During those glorious days of her ancestors, there were no costly technologies or spacecraft, and yet she theorised they had been frequent flyers.


“They asked about radiation and thermal protection in the space suits. I had to explain that the traditional sarong, when woven with the correct patterns, creates a perfectly insulated cocoon.


“It’s not ‘Houston, we have a problem’ anymore,” she said arrogantly. “Now it’s ‘Houston, we need the Malays.’”


According to the professor, early Malays not only achieved flight but may have reached the moon using monsoon winds and well-ironed sarongs.


When asked if there had been a peer review of her thesis, she smiled knowingly. “The only peer I know does not sit in the House of Lords but one Peer Mohamed, who had a kedai runcit near the Railway Station in Klang.


In a separate revelation that left historians clutching their textbooks, she claimed that the ancient Malays had taught the Romans how to build ships.


“They copied our perahu kolek design! The Romans learned navigation from us -- we were the original con-sultans of the Mediterranean.”


She went on to describe how Malay seafarers were feared and respected for their ability to conquer storms using only bamboo paddles, spiritual chants, and sheer confidence.


Reports from the United States suggest that Elon Musk, upon hearing of her theories, was “mildly curious but also deeply afraid.”


Sources close to the professor say she advised Musk to “be humble in space” and to “always wear a skull cap during re-entry.”


At home, her theories have inspired a new generation of researchers at local universities. One lecturer at Universiti Ayer Bangar, Johan Baggley, described the mood on campus as “revolutionary.”


Internationally, the buzz around the professor has reached a fever pitch. UNESCO is rumoured to be considering her nomination for the Cultural Contribution to Intergalactic Heritage award, while other organisations are “monitoring developments cautiously.”


A NASA insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, admitted the agency was intrigued. “Her PowerPoint slides were… unconventional,” the source said. “We didn’t understand the one about ‘sarong propulsion.’”


Not everyone is convinced.


A local historian from Penang was blunt: “Look, we’re proud people,” he said, “but if the Malays taught the Romans to build boats, why did the Romans end up conquering half the world while we were still arguing about who created nasi lemak: we, the Singaporeans, or the Indonesians?”


Social media, predictably, erupted. One netizen suggested she should next advise AirAsia or Malaysian Airlines on “ancestral methods of avoiding flight delays.”


Unfazed by the skepticism, the professor is already preparing her next big announcement — that the Malays were the true pioneers of Artificial Intelligence.


“Before ChatGPT, there was ChantGPT,” she declared, adjusting her tudung. “Our ancestors used pantun to answer all questions.”


As she ended her interview, the professor smiled at the cameras and said:


“Orang kita memang pandai. Orang putih ni… masih belajar.” (Our people are smart. The white folks are still learning.)


With that, she stepped into her modified Perodua Myvi with “ancestral aerodynamic” enhancements. She then gazed skyward and whispered: “Hang Tuah, take me home.”


Plans are reportedly underway to rename Kuala Lumpur Airport in honour of the professor’s contributions to global flight history. A monument featuring a bronze sarong in mid-takeoff will be unveiled next year.


The professor was last seen near the coast of Port Dickson, attempting to prove her “hydro-aero synergy theory” by launching a bamboo lemang stuffed with sticky rice and patriotism into the sky.


EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters and incidents are the products of the writer’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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