Valentine's Day's wild sex romps & orgies

Malaysiakini's Valentine's Day raid nabs five couples in Selangor reported:

Five couples were picked up by the Selangor Islamic Affairs Department (Jais) and the Petaling Jaya City Council (MBPJ) in an early morning anti-vice raid that was apparently timed to coincide with Valentine’s Day today. [...]

The operation dubbed ‘Petaling district level 6th anti-vice campaign’, saw the participation of 85 enforcement officers from Jais, MBPJ, the Immigration Department, district land office and police.

Vice? I assume it would be vice only under syariah laws, because if (non-Muslim) Chinese or Indian adult couples were/are engaged in a wee bit of covert nookie, it won’t be 'vice' at all, and those Jais blokes would have been told to mind their own bloody business with a “f* off (or go & jerk off), you pervs”.

Incidentally, why were officers from the district land office involved? Came for the show a la Zouk nightclub?


But sad as it had been for those 5 Muslim couples to be caught with their pants down (literally), we must all congratulate Jais for its brilliant success, and treat it as great news, because this means that from tomorrow, 15 Feb 2012 until next year, 13 Feb 2013, there won’t be any Malaysian Muslims indulging in such Valentine's Day immoral activities, the types that PAS Youth had claimed would happened on 14 Feb each year.


Thank goodness that from now, only normal Malaysian sex crimes like incest, rape, sodomy and oral sex will happen, at least until 13 Feb 2013.


I personally don’t care much about Valentine’s Day; in fact I hate it because I associate it as a day of being made to feel bad/guilty - when I had sweethearts, I was regularly in the dog house for forgetting my boyfriend’s duties, namely providing sweeties with that damn bunch of roses. F* Valentine’s Day.


Despite its religious sounding name, Valentine’s Day is not a public holiday at all, no, not anywhere, not even in the Roman Catholic World. In fact, in 1969 His Holiness Pope Paul VI wiped out Valentine’s Day from the General RC calendar of saints’ days. Praise His Holy Daddy!


And with that, boyfriends around the world heaved a great sigh of relief until those blasted florists and chocolatiers revive its celebrations, naturally for their commercial interests, as they did by inventing Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Soon, if they have their evil ways, every day will be ‘something’ Day.


But notwithstanding all these known commercial interests, somehow, there are some Malaysians, presumably those whose heads are constantly filled with visions of wild sex romps and orgies, who believe that on Valentine’s Day our hormones will somehow exponentially increase to an extent that we would scare even the wildest satyrs and nymphs.


Either those fantasizing Malaysians don’t have a f* clue what the modern commercialized Valentine’s Day celebrations is about, or they do but prefer to act dunno and exploit the day kau kau so as to exercise their 'Lil Napoleon-ic authority through warnings, scaring, threats and terrorizing (via peeping tom raids) to consolidate their hold on their followers.


But I propose that we do away with Valentine's Day (and neutralise the PAS-DAP squabbling) by substituting it with a Malaysian equivalent, Chap Goh Meh Night, all complete with Dondang Sayang pantuns and singing wakakaka - for more, see my post Chap Goh Meh in Penang.


Florists and chocolatiers needn't worry about reduced sales, au contraire, with my proposed substitution of festivities because they can continue to peddle their wares on Chap Goh Meh, the Malaysian Day of Sweet Love, which will then be celebrated by all Malaysians and not only Chinese, truly 1Malaysia.


Additionally, sales of mandarin oranges will increase as some will be bought to throw not just at the sea but also (peeping tom) 'pervs' wakakaka. We could also introduce the throwing of pisang raja's for men as a yang to the yin of women's oranges. Goodness, sales of our agricultural products will go right through the roof.