May 13 Book - a letter to the minister

Dodgee Book Store
1, Jalan Bodek
Taman Kamunting
Pulau Pinang

Kepada

Yang Berhormat
Datuk Seli Tan Gkap
Kementerian Keselamatan Dalam Negeri


Datuk Seli

I refer to the recent seizure by your ministry of Dr Kua’s recently published book on May 13.

May I congratulate your ministry’s vigilance in attending promptly to provocative materials which could possibly lead to public unrest.

The admirable incident was very well covered by that insidious subversive online news portal called malaysiakini which I can assure you I do not read at all. It was one of my shop assistance who informed me of the news item. No doubt she was skiving from her duties to surf the Internet, again.

Naturally, being a good citizen and responsible book store owner I decided, on hearing of the prompt action by your exemplary officers, to take a proactive stance by packing up the May 13 books that my shop possessed, so as to facilitate expeditious disposal when you impose the ban.

Incidentally, may I assure you that those books were delivered by the publisher to my shop without my knowledge. I traced the unauthorised acceptance to that same shop assistance. I will take appropriate action against her. Well, Datuk Seli, we know how women are. Between us men, the members of the weaker sex are plain drippers, if you know what I mean.

But much to my horror, I discovered that all the books were sold out. Apparently, they were selling like kuih durian. Naturally as a Penangite I am proud to inform you that the best durians come from Balik Pulau. But I digress, Datuk Seli.

What added to my initial horror was the discovery of newly delivered cartons of that seditious book. I am completely staggered by the temerity of that female shop assistance in ordering, without due authorisation, so many copies of an undesired item. She will soon join the unemployed, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she turns out to be a blogger. Those feminine-Nazi liars!

Datuk Seli, I appeal to your kind indulgence and exceptional ministerial vigilance and prompt action again. The last time your officers seized those books from a bookstore in Mid-Valley Megamall on Tuesday. May I recommend that this time, your officers pay a visit to Boundary book store, yes, that BIG one and seize some more of Dr Kua’s seditious book. The big conglomerate can afford the loss of a dozen books or so.

If one of your officers can inform me of the date and timing for the raid, I will arrange for adequate press coverage during the seizure. Preferably this should be well before the impending ban. I recommend that you approve inclusion of that non-accredited malaysiakini as well, just to show you are fair, which I know all Barisan Nasional ministers are. That is a given.

Anyway, the action will have a win-win-win outcome for all. You will obtain recognition from the correct quarters for your vigilance and uncompromising action, while I dare say even Dr Kua will be delighted by the publicity and increased sales (that is, until the ban), and I, on my humble part will endeavour to get rid of my new stocks. I assure you that following the raid my stocks will be gone, literally.

I await your kind acceptance of my recommendation and word from your officer.

Malaysia Boleh!

Yang benar

Dodgee Dimsum

p/s if your officers wish to get rid of those seized books, after they have researched the seditious nature of the contents, let me know and I can arrange for my subsidiary, Dodgee Second Hand Book Store, to dispose of them, as it has a bigger bin at the back of the shop.