Lakhbir Singh replies!

Dear Kaytee,

Ji, you bloody rotten ar$*h()le. You will never change, will you? My father warned me years ago to watch out for that naughty 12-year old Chinese boy, namely you! Then you had the bloody cheek to inform the old man you wanted to marry his 19-year old daughter – hehehe!

Mum and Saroj thought you were sweet and cute in your infatuation with sis. KNN, you didn't even have pubic hair and you wanted to marry Saroj; and boy, was the old man pissed off with you – I told you my dad wasn’t one to take jokes but mind you, you weren't joking as well.

Anyway, what the f**k is this blogging bullsh*t on the long & short of 'tambis', where you questioned the countrymen’s size. The moment I landed in Penang, my brother (with a bloody grin) told me to read Kaytee’s posting.

That writeup has been an insult to your blood brother, moi.

Remember when we were kids and we sneaked unauthorised into the quarry for a dip in their pool. Yeah, trust you to drag me into your illegal forays in the village (as dad warned me), and of course you had to bring along two ah moi's. I can't even recall their faces but one did look rather sweet. Weren't they the farmer's teen daughters, you know the one whose rambutan trees we raided every year until we left school for KL? .

Many people thought (and probably still do) you were shy but only I know the devil you were and undoubtedly are. And there we were by the pool where none of us had any swimmers, and it had to be you to suggest we skinny dipped.

I knew you manipulated the two lassies into that situation, angling to get them to strip. I have to admit I was highly embarrassed, mind you, not that I was worried about my … er … size.

I knew those girls were curious about how big the ‘Bengali’ one would be, and while they were staring unabashedly at me, waiting for me to remove my undies (no bloody way), you exploited the opportunity to quietly strip to your birthday suit behind their back and jumped into the pool – you bloody cheat.

Remember when the girls complained that they won’t stripped unless I did, you bullsh*tted them I couldn’t because I might terrify them – very tua tiau lah, and by golly for the first time you weren't exaggerating, so I am a bit pissed off with your long & short of 'tambis'.

Till today I wonder how you managed to chong those ah moi's into the pool with you, you rascal. Oh, their sweet pearly white moons as they porpoised and gambolled with you, you lucky bastard. There were moments when I was prepared to discard my katchera and leap in as well, if my katchera then wasn’t in full operation to hide my 'full salute’.

But I don’t want to hear anymore bullsh*t about the countrymen’s size. As my family (save dad) and I have always treated you as an honorary countryman, I feel I can share with you the most inner secret of the Sikhs.

Some people think we only subscribe to the 5-K’s of kesh, kangha, katchera, kara and kirpan. But just for your ears only, we Bais have a sixth K, and it's related to your posting. I want you to think of what it may be … hint … it starts with ko…

You work it out, Ji, you have always been naughty-smart.

By the way, Saroj sends you love from London. She asked whether you’re still up to mischief, which I answered in advance with a 'yes'!

When you come to my house next week, please bring (I know you'd steal or help yourself) a bottle of your granddad’s VSOP Hennessey and we’ll talk the usual sam kok.

F**k you buddy – oh, don’t forget the ginger ale as well.

Lakhbir

p/s don't you bloody dare post my reply - my brother warned me you might