Dead Man Talks Back!

LKY: Karn Niin Nay, I’m not even dead and they SMS condolences to my house.

Aide: Aiyah, Lato, why you use that Karn Niin Nay (KNN) word, you’re not a Penangite lah!

LKY (ignoring his aide): Guess who has been telling people I’m ku-dare* already. They can’t even wait for next bloody year.

* Penang slang for 'very dead'

Aide: Yah lah, but don’t forget your supporters are from Bruas, not Penang. They don’t like those Penang-speak like KNN.You should use the Cantonese equivalent lah!

LKY: You mean T-Nia-Mah?

Aide: Now, that’s more like it. Don’t forget, behave and talk like the locals who support you.

LKY (pensively): Now, I understand how the former towkay must have felt in 1998! Before he could leave, his heir was already pushing him into the political coffin and attempting to hammer the nails in as well. Now I feel just like that, except my experience is more literal.

Aide: Don’t worry lah, Loe Pang, you’re still very OK one.

LKY: Mah Fu Lat, I’m still a healthy 67 only – I could go on for another 10 years. And I know, afterall I’m a doctor, a real one, not like someone who is just an arty farty type.

Aide (thinks wiser course would be not to tell boss the other's doctorate is actually the 'real' one): Loe Pang, want to do a ‘1998’?

LKY (smiling): Aiyah, lei suoi chai*, putting naughty ideas in my head. Hey, who’s that outside the house … go see …

* you naughty mischievous lad

Aide (glum look on returning): It’s a huge wreath from Penang.

LKY: Karn Niin … eh I mean … T-Nia-Mah!!!